Happiness A Journey

Be Familiar with SIGNS of Stress

2010-07-01T15:28:00.000-07:00

Do you have a hard time noticing your own stress?

Scan your Body:
Do you have muscel tension?
Do you have sweaty palms?
Do you have rapid breathing or rapid pulse?

Scan your Behavior:
Are you pacing or fidgetting?
Is your voice to tense, to loud, or to quite?

Scan your Emotions:
Do you feel nervous, mood, or depressed?
Do you feel frustrated?
Do you feel lonely?

Scan your Thoughts:
Have your thoughts turned to worries?
Do you have trouble with concentration or memory?

Infertility

2010-04-23T14:13:00.001-07:00

I realize that this is probably for the minority viewing this blog but there might be some who benefit from it. Or maybe, there is someone with whom you can share this information.
My husband and I have been dealing with infertility from the start of our marriage. Sometimes it is very hurtful and other times I am very grateful I don't have children. (Yes I really said that.)
Two of the clinics we have be patients of, and two of my specific doctors are participating in this event held in Salt Lake City, Utah. It isn't that these doctors don't know what they are talking, the treatments for me are just cost inhibitive. (Did I make that word up? Spell check caught it but it sounds good.)

This is a free event but seating is limited. Click here to register.

WHEN: April 24, 2010, 9:00 am to 12:00 pm.

WHERE: University of Utah, Health Science Education Center

These doctors are great. As I said, I know some personally and I am sure there will be lots of great information in the short amount of time. It is always reassuring to know that you aren't out in your own little boat with no help.

Keep Your Circuits Clear

2010-04-22T15:42:00.000-07:00

Tonight at Kaysville Jr. High School in Davis County Utah there is an event geared Keeping Your Circuits Clear. There will be representatives from many different groups to help not only parents but youth know what to do to stay away from Cyber Bullying, Pornography and other filth on the internet and mobile phones.
The will also be giving away prizes. I know 2 iPods are involved.
I have a short outline for reference:

6:00 pm Booths open and available for traffic
6:25 pm 3 prizes awarded
6:30 pm Hank Smith (popular youth speaker)
6:55 pm 3 prizes awarded
7:00 pm Dan Gray (MOST popular youth speaker)
7:55 pm 3 prizes awarded
8:00 pm Booths will remain open

Address: 100 East 350 South
Kaysville, UT

Of course members of my office will be on hand to help you out as well! Tell them Michele sent you.

Protecting Children and Families from Pornography

2010-03-24T08:44:00.000-07:00

This is my first blog on this site. I wrote a really great one with links and all sorts of things a few months ago and we decided to take down the website where I had all the links because of a new website. The new website is much more user friendly but I have to admit, I haven't looked at it all and don't have all the great stuff and links.

I just wanted to get the news out about the UCAP = Utah Coalition Against Pornography and the conference they are having this Saturday in Salt Lake City, Utah.I work for a company that has products for both home and commercial...schools...that help with time management and filtering of the internet. I personally think it is the greatest product on the market and so do many editors' and software mags. We will have a both at the conference. What is our home product you may ask. It is Net Nanny. It does so many things including the filtering. We even have a product for smart phones. But I won't get on my Net Nanny soapbox, unless of course someone in the comments asks for more information.
If you are able to attend, I highly recommend attending the conference on Saturday March 27th at the Little America Hotel. Stop by the ContentWatch booth and tell them Michele N sent you. (There are two Michele's at work.)

The UCAP website is a great resource. It has information in many different formats and from many different places. It can all be a bit overwhelming but I think it is broken down to help fight this new drug.
Prior to working where I do, I had no idea pornography was such a problem.

It is everywhere and we need to take a stance beforehand that it will not be a part of our home.

Cymbalta

2009-12-27T14:09:00.000-08:00

The last three months I have been on Cymbalta 60 mg. and I must say so far it has been a miracle for me. I have noticed I have less depressive episodes, less mood swings and alot more motivation. It decreases my daily physical pain which is also a nice bonus. The only side effects that I have noticed is if I forget to eat regularly it makes me nauseated, which for me is also an added plus. Hopefully it will help me gain weight. I have very vivid dreams and occasional headaches if I accidentally miss a dose.

But really, for me the pluses far outweigh the minuses. I am so grateful I have found something that is working for me right now. They have a great website which explains depression, anxiety, diabetic nerve pain and fibromyalgia here: http://www.cymbalta.com/learnaboutcymbalta.jsp

Her eis an excerpt...How Cymbalta Is Believed to WorkFree Cymbalta SampleReceive a free sample of Cymbalta with your doctor's prescription
Cymbalta offers relief from symptoms of depression, generalized anxiety disorder (GAD), diabetic nerve pain (DNP), and fibromyalgia. Cymbalta is not a narcotic.

Although the exact way that Cymbalta works in people is unknown, it is believed to be related to an increase in the activity of serotonin and norepinephrine, which are two naturally occurring substances in the brain and spinal cord. Cymbalta is in a class of medications called selective SNRIs (serotonin and norepinephrine reuptake inhibitors

My favorite part of hte website was the information for friends and family. Super useful! http://cymbalta.com/depression/informationforcaregivers.jsp

Dsthymia and PMDD

2009-11-29T09:36:00.000-08:00

Tis the season for me. Holidays are always hard. What has helped is knowing that I am up against two constants...depression and severe pre-menstral mood swings. Since I was a teenager I have battled these two constants with therapy and anti-depressants yet they linger. I have tried every intervention known to man and now just accept them as part of my mortal life. Unfortunate for me and my family are years when the holidays and my cycle overlap. It's hard to keep a smile on my face when I am in a lot of physical pain.

Currently I take Cymbalta which helps most of the symptoms stay at bay so I can function in every day life. I also take prozac four days before my period and during my cycle as prescribed by a physician. I have thought about a hysterectomy or surgery to decrease the pain as I have endometriosis as well. There are side effects for me with taking any hormonal treatments like over the counter birth control pills which are worse than the symptoms. It is so good to know I am not alone in my conditions.

"Depression, in its various forms, affects nearly 19 million Americans each year according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH). With prolonged major depression, shortages or imbalances of mood-influencing chemicals in the brain usually play a role.

Studies show that depressive illness can and often does run in families. The genetic connection is beyond controversy. Another proven fact is that women, as a group, are twice as likely to experience depression" source: http://www.selfgrowth.com/articles/Dysthymia_Chronic_Low-grade_Depression_What_Does_it_Feel_Like.html

Dysthymia defined by one author " The best I ever hoped to feel occurred when I was totally distracted, immersed in something that diverted my attention or completely consumed me. So, I worked hard at staying busy, achieving and excelling in whatever I did, in spite of the way I felt.

I now know that all those years I was suffering from chronic, low-grade depression. This condition, called dysthymic disorder, is a long-term, less severe form of depression that is rarely detected, recognized or talked about.

I spent the majority of my waking hours battling a constant smothering, confining hopelessness, until my depression manifested itself in a more outwardly visible debilitating condition." Here is a really good article on post-holiday blues. http://www.healthline.com/blogs/teen_health/2007/12/post-holiday-blues.html

The other known factor in my life is PPMD.

"Premenstrual dysphoric disorder or PMDD is a condition associated with severe emotional and physical problems that are linked closely to the menstrual cycle. Symptoms occur regularly in the second half of the cycle and end when menstruation begins or shortly thereafter. PMDD is not just a new name for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), a condition that affects as many as 75% of menstruating women. It is, however, considered to be a very severe form of PMS that affects about 5% of menstruating women. Both PMDD and PMS share symptoms in common that include depression, anxiety, tension, irritability and moodiness. What sets PMDD apart is its severity. Women with PMDD find that it has a very disruptive effect on their lives." http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/what/

"Over the years, many treatments have been used for premenstrual symptoms, for premenstrual syndrome (PMS), and most recently for premenstrual dysphoric disorder (PMDD). Until recently, few of these treatments were evaluated in carefully designed research studies and even fewer were shown to be effective. There are now four prescription drugs that have been approved by the U.S. Food and Drug Administration (FDA) for treating the condition. These FDA-approved medications are fluoxetine (Sarafem), paroxetine controlled-release (Paxil CR), and sertraline (Zoloft), together with drospirenone/ethinyl estradiol oral contraceptive (YAZ). Nonetheless, many treatments of less well established value remain in widespread use and some women find them to be quite satisfactory. Unfortunately, promise of "cures," often costly, are sometimes made for treatments that have not been subjected to well-designed confirmatory research. When we discuss treatments for PMDD here, we'll base our comments on the best available research data, the opinions of experienced clinicians, and a generous sprinkling of common sense.

There are 3 broad approaches to treating PMDD. While most experts recommend a combination of all 3, there have been no scientific studies to determine if combination treatment is really the best approach. It is likely that the best approach or combination of approaches will vary from woman to woman based on things like symptom severity and which symptoms are most troublesome.

Here are the 3 approaches with some examples of each:

Medications - including antidepressants, antianxiety drugs, analgesics, hormones and diuretics.
Psychobehavioral - including exercise and psychotherapies (cognitive-behavioral, coping skills training, relaxation).
Nutritional - including diet modification, vitamins, minerals and herbal preparations.
source http://pmdd.factsforhealth.org/treatment/

Safeguarding Your Home

2009-11-04T08:22:00.000-08:00

One of the biggest issues I see attacking people and families today is that of pornography. With internet access as open and liberal as it is, many children and parents can be exposed to pornographic material with the click of a button. I have been looking for resources on safeguarding our homes against it, the harms of pornography as well as the best places to look for treatment of the addiction.

I found this on lds.org in the provident living section on Protecting:

Pornography

Parents can do many things to safeguard their homes from the harmful influences found on the Internet. While there is no foolproof system, some simple steps can help reduce the risk of family members seeing pornographic materials on the Internet.

Place computers in high-traffic areas of the home. Kitchens, family rooms, and studies usually have the most traffic. Because these rooms usually don’t have doors, they are typically less secluded than bedrooms.

Position computer monitors so the screen faces out for public view.

Install a filtering program, and learn its features and how to use it. Good filtering programs allow you to view a history of which sites (including chat rooms) have been visited and when, as well as a record of incoming and outgoing e-mails. Information on filtering programs can be found on Internet sites such as http://www.internetfilterreview.com/.

Teach family members about the dangers of Internet pornography, including how to escape if an inappropriate site is accidentally accessed. This usually involves shutting down the entire system.

Teach family members to tell parents if they encounter any form of pornography while on the computer. This will help reduce the fear or shame of accidental exposure. It also serves to open discussion about the dangers of pornography.

Teach family members to use the Internet for a specific purpose only. Aimless surfing makes it easier to wander onto inappropriate sites.

Instant messaging is a cost-effective, easy way to communicate with family and close friends. However, teach family members to avoid public chat rooms, bulletin boards, or unfamiliar areas on the Internet. Such places present an unnecessary risk for children and adults.

Teach children not to share any personal information online without parental knowledge and permission. Many predators pose as children to gain access and information that may put children at risk.

Educate yourself about your computer and how the Internet works.

Be aware of what your children’s school and public library policies are regarding Internet use and accessibility.

Teach family members to never open e-mail from someone they don’t know.

The Internet is a wonderful tool and resource for families, but caution must be exercised in order to protect families and individuals from the potential dangers that are present online.

From Protect Kids comes a definition: Pornography can be thought of as all sexually explicit material intended primarily to arouse the reader, viewer, or listener. Each category of illegal pornography has a specific legal definition established by the courts. The Supreme Court has said that there are four categories of pornography that can be determined illegal. Illegal pornography includes indecency, material harmful to minors, obscenity, and child pornography. Click here for the legal definitions of types of pornography.

Here are some resources on The Dangers of Pornography

http://www.protectkids.com/effects/index.htm

http://www.aclj.org/Issues/Resources/Document.aspx?ID=330

www.leaderu.com/orgs/probe/docs/porno.html

Treatment

One of the best tools I have heard in treating pornography addiction is the twelve stop program here are some other links to check

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Pornography_addiction

http://www.endpornaddiction.com/?hop=denkster3

LDS Resources

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=84010fd41d93b010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&hideNav=1&bucket=AllChurchContent&query=pornography&submit=Search

"Satan has become a master at using the addictive power of pornography to limit individual capacity to be led by the Spirit. The onslaught of pornography in all of its vicious, corroding, destructive forms has caused great grief, suffering, heartache, and destroyed marriages. It is one of the most damning influences on earth. Whether it be through the printed page, movies, television, obscene lyrics, vulgarities on the telephone, or flickering personal computer screen, pornography is overpoweringly addictive and severely damaging." -Richard G. Scott

Lesson Learned

2009-10-26T12:05:00.000-07:00

Jelly bellies

Caffeine

= Panic Attack and increased anxiety

Usually I stay away from sugar and caffeine because I got into the habit after running cross country for so many years. However, this weekend I took a few sips and ate some jelly bellies (well okay, half the bag) and WHAM! First panic attack in a long time.

I was curious if there was any scientific research to back this up so I googled it, sure enough there is!

Brewing trouble http://caffeineweb.com/?cat=2

http://www.medicinenet.com/script/main/art.asp?articlekey=50820

Caffeine induced mental anxiety

http://caffeineweb.com/?cat=2

School Thy Feelings

2009-10-19T10:10:00.000-07:00

School Thy Feelings, O My Brother
President Thomas S. Monson

If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry.

Brethren, we are assembled as a mighty body of the priesthood, both here in the Conference Center and in locations throughout the world. We have heard inspired messages this evening, and I express my appreciation to those Brethren who have addressed us. I am honored, yet humbled, by the privilege to speak to you, and I pray that the inspiration of the Lord may attend me.

Recently as I watched the news on television, I realized that many of the lead stories were similar in nature in that the tragedies reported all basically traced back to one emotion: anger. The father of an infant had been arrested for physical abuse of the baby. It was alleged that the baby’s crying had so infuriated him that he had broken one of the child’s limbs and several ribs. Alarming was the report of growing gang violence, with the number of gang-related killings having risen sharply. Another story that night involved the shooting of a woman by her estranged husband, who was reportedly in a jealous rage after finding her with another man. Then, of course, there was the usual coverage of wars and conflicts throughout the world.

I thought of the words of the Psalmist: “Cease from anger, and forsake wrath.”1

Many years ago, a young couple called my office and asked if they could come in for counseling. They indicated they had suffered a tragedy in their lives and that their marriage was in serious jeopardy. An appointment was arranged.

The tension between this husband and wife was apparent as they entered my office. Their story unfolded slowly at first as the husband spoke haltingly and the wife cried quietly and participated very little in the conversation.

The young man had returned from serving a mission and was accepted to a prestigious university in the eastern part of the United States. It was there, in a university ward, that he had met his future wife. She was also a student at the university. After a year of dating, they journeyed to Utah and were married in the Salt Lake Temple, returning east shortly afterward to finish their schooling.

By the time they graduated and returned to their home state, they were expecting their first child and the husband had employment in his chosen field. The wife gave birth to a baby boy. Life was good.

When their son was about 18 months old, they decided to take a short vacation to visit family members who lived a few hundred miles away. This was at a time when car seats for children and seat belts for adults were scarcely heard of, let alone used. The three members of the family all rode in the front seat with the toddler in the middle.

Sometime during the trip, the husband and wife had a disagreement. After all these years, I cannot recall what caused it. But I do remember that their argument escalated and became so heated that they were eventually yelling at one another. Understandably, this caused their young son to begin crying, which the husband said only added to his anger. Losing total control of his temper, he picked up a toy the child had dropped on the seat and flung it in the direction of his wife.

He missed hitting his wife. Instead, the toy struck their son, with the result that he was brain damaged and would be handicapped for the rest of his life.

This was one of the most tragic situations I had ever encountered. I counseled and encouraged them. We talked of commitment and responsibility, of acceptance and forgiveness. We spoke of the affection and respect which needed to return to their family. We read words of comfort from the scriptures. We prayed together. Though I have not heard from them since that day so long ago, they were smiling through their tears as they left my office. All these years I’ve hoped they made the decision to remain together, comforted and blessed by the gospel of Jesus Christ.

I think of them whenever I read the words: “Anger doesn’t solve anything. It builds nothing, but it can destroy everything.”2
We’ve all felt anger. It can come when things don’t turn out the way we want. It might be a reaction to something which is said of us or to us. We may experience it when people don’t behave the way we want them to behave. Perhaps it comes when we have to wait for something longer than we expected. We might feel angry when others can’t see things from our perspective. There seem to be countless possible reasons for anger.

There are times when we can become upset at imagined hurts or perceived injustices. President Heber J. Grant, seventh President of the Church, told of a time as a young adult when he did some work for a man who then sent him a check for $500 with a letter apologizing for not being able to pay him more. Then President Grant did some work for another man—work which he said was 10 times more difficult, involving 10 times more labor and a great deal more time. This second man sent him a check for $150. Young Heber felt he had been treated most unfairly. He was at first insulted and then incensed.

He recounted the experience to an older friend, who asked, “Did that man intend to insult you?”

President Grant replied, “No. He told my friends he had rewarded me handsomely.”

To this the older friend replied, “A man’s a fool who takes an insult that isn’t intended.”3

The Apostle Paul asks in Ephesians, chapter 4, verse 26 of the Joseph Smith Translation: “Can ye be angry, and not sin? let not the sun go down upon your wrath.” I ask, is it possible to feel the Spirit of our Heavenly Father when we are angry? I know of no instance where such would be the case.

From 3 Nephi in the Book of Mormon, we read:

“There shall be no disputations among you. . . .

“For verily, verily I say unto you, he that hath the spirit of contention is not of me, but is of the devil, who is the father of contention, and he stirreth up the hearts of men to contend with anger, one with another.

“Behold, this is not my doctrine, to stir up the hearts of men with anger, one against another; but this is my doctrine, that such things should be done away.”4

To be angry is to yield to the influence of Satan. No one can make us angry. It is our choice. If we desire to have a proper spirit with us at all times, we must choose to refrain from becoming angry. I testify that such is possible.

Anger, Satan’s tool, is destructive in so many ways.

I believe most of us are familiar with the sad account of Thomas B. Marsh and his wife, Elizabeth. Brother Marsh was one of the first modern-day Apostles called after the Church was restored to the earth. He eventually became President of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles.

While the Saints were in Far West, Missouri, Elizabeth Marsh, Thomas’s wife, and her friend Sister Harris decided they would exchange milk in order to make more cheese than they otherwise could. To be certain all was done fairly, they agreed that they should not save what were called the strippings, but that the milk and strippings should all go together. Strippings came at the end of the milking and were richer in cream.

Sister Harris was faithful to the agreement, but Sister Marsh, desiring to make some especially delicious cheese, saved a pint of strippings from each cow and sent Sister Harris the milk without the strippings. This caused the two women to quarrel. When they could not settle their differences, the matter was referred to the home teachers to settle. They found Elizabeth Marsh guilty of failure to keep her agreement. She and her husband were upset with the decision, and the matter was then referred to the bishop for a Church trial. The bishop’s court decided that the strippings were wrongfully saved and that Sister Marsh had violated her covenant with Sister Harris.

Thomas Marsh appealed to the high council, and the men comprising this council confirmed the bishop’s decision. He then appealed to the First Presidency of the Church. Joseph Smith and his counselors considered the case and upheld the decision of the high council.

Elder Thomas B. Marsh, who sided with his wife through all of this, became angrier with each successive decision—so angry, in fact, that he went before a magistrate and swore that the Mormons were hostile toward the state of Missouri. His affidavit led to—or at least was a factor in—Governor Lilburn Boggs’s cruel extermination order, which resulted in over 15,000 Saints being driven from their homes, with all the terrible suffering and consequent death that followed. All of this occurred because of a disagreement over the exchange of milk and cream.5

After 19 years of rancor and loss, Thomas B. Marsh made his way to the Salt Lake Valley and asked President Brigham Young for forgiveness. Brother Marsh also wrote to Heber C. Kimball, First Counselor in the First Presidency, of the lesson he had learned. Said Brother Marsh: “The Lord could get along very well without me and He . . . lost nothing by my falling out of the ranks; But O what have I lost?! Riches, greater riches than all this world or many planets like this could afford.”6

Apropos are the words of the poet John Greenleaf Whittier: “Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these: ‘It might have been!’ ”7

My brethren, we are all susceptible to those feelings which, if left unchecked, can lead to anger. We experience displeasure or irritation or antagonism, and if we so choose, we lose our temper and become angry with others. Ironically, those others are often members of our own families—the people we really love the most.Many years ago I read the following Associated Press dispatch which appeared in the newspaper: An elderly man disclosed at the funeral of his brother, with whom he had shared, from early manhood, a small, one-room cabin near Canisteo, New York, that following a quarrel, they had divided the room in half with a chalk line, and neither had crossed the line or spoken a word to the other since that day—62 years before. Just think of the consequence of that anger. What a tragedy!

May we make a conscious decision, each time such a decision must be made, to refrain from anger and to leave unsaid the harsh and hurtful things we may be tempted to say.

I love the words of the hymn written by Elder Charles W. Penrose, who served in the Quorum of the Twelve and in the First Presidency during the early years of the 20th century:

School thy feelings, O my brother;
Train thy warm, impulsive soul.
Do not its emotions smother,
But let wisdom’s voice control.
School thy feelings; there is power
In the cool, collected mind.
Passion shatters reason’s tower,
Makes the clearest vision blind.8

Each of us is a holder of the priesthood of God. The oath and covenant of the priesthood pertains to all of us. To those who hold the Melchizedek Priesthood, it is a declaration of our requirement to be faithful and obedient to the laws of God and to magnify the callings which come to us. To those who hold the Aaronic Priesthood, it is a pronouncement concerning future duty and responsibility, that you may prepare yourselves here and now.

This oath and covenant is set forth by the Lord in these words:

“For whoso is faithful unto the obtaining these two priesthoods of which I have spoken, and the magnifying their calling, are sanctified by the Spirit unto the renewing of their bodies.

“They become the sons of Moses and of Aaron and the seed of Abraham, and the church and kingdom, and the elect of God.

“And also all they who receive this priesthood receive me, saith the Lord;

“For he that receiveth my servants receiveth me;

“And he that receiveth me receiveth my Father;

“And he that receiveth my Father receiveth my Father’s kingdom; therefore all that my Father hath shall be given unto him.”9

Brethren, great promises await us if we are true and faithful to the oath and covenant of this precious priesthood which we hold. May we be worthy sons of our Heavenly Father. May we ever be exemplary in our homes and faithful in keeping all of the commandments, that we may harbor no animosity toward any man but rather be peacemakers, ever remembering the Savior’s admonition, “By this shall all men know that ye are my disciples, if ye have love one to another.”10 This is my plea tonight at the conclusion of this great priesthood meeting, and it’s also my humble and sincere prayer, for I love you, brethren, with all my heart and soul. And I pray our Heavenly Father’s blessing to attend each of you in your life, in your home, in your heart, in your soul, in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

NOTES
1. Psalm 37:8.
2. Lawrence Douglas Wilder, quoted in “Early Hardships Shaped Candidates,” Deseret News, Dec. 7, 1991, A2.
3. See Heber J. Grant, Gospel Standards, comp. G. Homer Durham (1969), 288–89.
4. 3 Nephi 11:28–30.
5. See George A. Smith, “Discourse,” Deseret News, Apr. 16, 1856, 44.
6. Thomas B. Marsh to Heber C. Kimball, May 5, 1857, Brigham Young Collection, Church History Library.
7. “Maud Muller,” The Complete Poetical Works of John Greenleaf Whittier (1876), 206.
8. “School Thy Feelings,” Hymns, no. 336.
9. D&C 84:33–38.
10. John 13:35.

A More Beautiful You

2009-09-17T19:32:00.000-07:00

Little girl fourteen flipping through a magazine
Says she wants to look that way
But her hair isn’t straight her body isn’t fake
And she’s always felt overweight

Well little girl fourteen I wish that you could see
That beauty is within your heart
And you were made with such care your skin your body and your hair
Are perfect just the way they are

There could never be a more beautiful you
dont buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

Little girl twenty-one the things that you’ve already done
Anything to get ahead
And you say you’ve got a man but he’s got another plan
Only wants what you will do instead

Well little girl twenty-one you never thought that this would come
You starve yourself to play the part
But I can promise you there’s a man whose love is true
And he’ll treat you like the jewel you are

There could never be a more beautiful you
dont buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you

So turn around you’re not too far
To back away be who you are
To change your path go another way
It’s not too late you can be saved
If you feel depressed with past regrets
The shameful nights hope to forget
Can disappear they can all be washed away
By the one who’s strong can right your wrongs
Can rid your fears dry all your tears
And change the way you look at this big world
He will take your dark distorted view
And with His light He will show you truth
And again you’ll see through the eyes of a little girl

There could never be a more beautiful you
dont buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through
You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do
So there could never be a more beautiful you
There could never be, a more beautiful you.

I have heard this song several times on my favorite radio stations KLOVE and Sirius 66 Spirit. It has a wonderful message for Young Women and Women about our real divine worth and what matters to our Heavenly Father. Our inner beauty.

The Cardall Family

2009-06-17T18:07:00.000-07:00

photo from Paul's blog

My husband and I follow closely the story and music of Paul Cardall as he has inspired us so many times. This past week there have been some poignant and beautiful posts about adversity and forgiveness. Paul lost his brother Brian a young and brilliant scientist and father in a trajic accident. Here are his words on the news:

"I have struggled my whole life with a severe heart defect while Brian experienced some mental illness. Rarely did Brian have episodes which triggered this horrific tragedy. The public should know that Brian is a wonderful son, loyal brother, loving father, and faithful husband who loved being with people. He was extremely intelligent and full of personality. He wanted to make a difference in this world. He was working on his Ph.D. in molecular ecology at Northern Arizona University. He loved being in the outdoors with his daughter Ava and beautiful wife Anna. Brian was a great friend. He brought so much joy to our family and had the biggest heart in the world. He was a good man striving to learn how to be a better man. It was an honor to know him in this life and call him brother. Our family will miss Brian but we are comforted by our faith in a loving Heavenly Father whose grace is sufficient enough. Here is to our brother Brian. God speed my friend. You are free to exercise the spiritual depths of your heart. We love you!"

May the Cardall family find peace in the Savior and may Paul get a heart very soon. Pray for them!

There are some amazing video clips and tributes if you would like to follow this family's journey. at http://mytricuspidatresia.blogspot.com/

Finding Balance

2009-06-17T12:31:00.001-07:00

I know most women in their mid-thirties don't even think about these things, but here I am! After years and years of multiple health issues a team of doctors and therapists finally started putting my pieces together. Most of my problems were interrelated and changed drastically during each of my pregnancies. Two of my physicians suggested looking into bio identical hormone replacement.

I had tried over the counter drugs for endometriosis, thyroid problems, depression, OBGYN issues and loss of appetite. Nothing really seemed to address the gambit of symptoms and pain I was experiencing. I really felt drained after the 15 year process of trying to find some peace and comfort. Surgeries, specialists, and side effects one on top of the other.

I am now two weeks into the process of hormone replacement after my tests came back that I had a major progesterone deficiency, issues with cortisol and androgen balance. Finally I saw on paper what we have suspected for so many years. It just makes sense to me to go to the root of the problem and start healing instead of trying to patch up symptoms. You may want to look into it for yourself. Here in Utah there is "All for Women Health Care" and Jolley Compounding Pharmacy.

I also found out about a prescription drug called Deplin from a friend of mine who suffers from severe post par tum depression. Yet another answer to prayers.

Taken from their website, here is an explanation of the supplement which helps process anti-depressants to make them available and effective.

Deplin® Facts

How Does Deplin® Work?Deplin® works through a natural process in the brain to regulate all three monoamine neurotransmitters associated with mood by providing the increased dietary requirements for folate. L-methylfolate is needed by depressed patients with suboptimal folate to regulate the synthesis of monoamines (serotonin, norepinephrine and dopamine) and known as a trimonoamine modulator (TMM). By managing trimonoamine neurotransmitter synthesis, L-methylfolate, when taken with antidepressants, improves benefits.
Click here to read more about how Deplin® works »

Deplin® vs. Folic AcidFolic acid is a man-made product that needs to broken down by the body through a lengthy 4-step process. Folate that comes from your diet (e.g green vegetables) must undergo a 3-step transformation.

Click here to see how Deplin® differs from folic acid »

Here's to finding answers!!! May you find some as well...

Women's Wellness

2009-05-01T07:22:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I went to a women's health specialist and wanted to pass along the information she gave me because it all made sense. Her approach is one of looking for a long-term solution and getting to the core issues instead of just treating symptoms. Much of the advice she gave me I have heard repeatedly over the last few years as I have been seeking a cure for the long haul.

5 Things your family can do every day to stay well

1) Eat a diet rich in antioxidants. Eat 9 servings of fruits and veggies every day. Make sure oyu are getting enough protein in your diet. Breakfast is a good time to get it in with eggs or turkey bacon. Take whole food vitamins

2) Eat a low sugar and refined carbohydrate diet

Get 35 grams of soluble fiber a day for increased good cholesterol

Try probiotics like Activia yogurt or flora 2 supplement by Kenwood Therapeutics

3) Eat essential fatty acids. Omega 3's are anti-inflammatory and anti-oxidant Try Coromega brand Omegas or flax seed/ flax seed oil

4) Do 40 minutes of physical activity every day. Try to get outdoors on walks or to play

5) Decrease stress in your life any way you can. Avoid the trap of thinking you need to "do" more. You body is a diary of your stress, it stores it all. Keep a journal. Do yoga, breath or meditate. Say "no" to more than you can handle.

Lessons Learned on Adversity

2009-04-26T09:02:00.000-07:00

Today I pulled out some old journals because I felt like I need to gather the lessons I have learned over the years and put them in one place. My hope is that they will help others who are passing through adversity. In 1995 I went through a separation and divorce. It was a hard time yet a sacred time in my personal history. I felt close to the Lord and watched over. I prayed frequently for answers and peace which I feel I received only through coming unto Christ. It has been wonderful to re-read all of the things I learned and still feel a peace in my heart. I know the Lord was watching out for me and that I came away from it all a better stronger person. Recently I have had closure and I feel compelled to go back and compile lessons learned. I think they are lessons of enduring adversity, what ever the adversity may be. They are universal and can be applied to any hard situation.

The first thing I felt inspired to do in the midst of trial, after praying, was to re-start writing in a journal. It was such an outlet and still is for me to vent and record feelings. I started keeping a daily journal from a young age, but as I got busy in my college studies it seemed to get harder and harder. The first entry in a new journal was one about scriptures in John Chapter 14

1 Let not your heart be ^atroubled: ye believe in God, believe also in me.

13 And whatsoever ye shall ^aask in my ^bname, that will I do, that the Father may be glorified in the Son.

16 And I will pray the Father, and he shall give you another ^aComforter, that he may ^babide with you for ever;

18 I will not leave you ^acomfortless: I will ^bcome to you.

26 But the ^aComforter, which is the ^bHoly Ghost, whom the Father will send in my ^cname, he shall ^dteach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.

My favorite has always been this verse... 27 ^aPeace I leave with you, my ^bpeace I give unto you: not as the world giveth, give I unto you. Let not your heart be ^ctroubled, neither let it be afraid.

I felt like I should turn to the Lord and use Him as my main support and source of counsel. From my then mother in law I learned the mantra "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." taken from Philip. 4: 13

13 I can do all things through ^aChrist which ^bstrengtheneth me.

I was also advised to read the book "The Power of Positive Thinking" by Norman Vincent Peale.

The next step that really strengthened my soul was to go to the temple as often as I possibly could. Going there led me to people who could be little angels in my life, it gave me strength and courage to face the outside world and I came away with many answers.

I sought a priesthood blessing which taught "your adversities are for a purpose." It was specific and gave me guidance. One of the things that I love about getting a priesthood blessing is that it is the voice of the Lord to you. Blessings are personal and meaningful to guide us in future decisions.

One day while studying a the library on campus I started looking at the word adversity in the topical guide of the scriptures and found these:

2 Corinthians 12: 10 Therefore I take pleasure in ^ainfirmities, in reproaches, in necessities, in^bpersecutions, in distresses for Christ’s sake: for when I am ^cweak, then am I^dstrong.
Psalms 107: 4 They ^awandered in the ^bwilderness in a solitary way; they found no city to dwell in. 5 Hungry and thirsty, their soul fainted in them. 6 Then they ^acried unto the Lord in their ^btrouble, and he delivered them out of their distresses.
Acts 14: 22 Confirming the souls of the disciples, and exhorting them to continue in the faith, and that we must through much ^atribulation enter into the kingdom of God.
Romans 12:10 Be kindly ^aaffectioned one to another with ^bbrotherly ^clove; in honour preferring one another;11 Not slothful in ^abusiness; ^bfervent in spirit; serving the Lord; 12 Rejoicing in hope; ^apatient in ^btribulation; ^ccontinuing instant in prayer; 13 Distributing to the necessity of saints; given to ^ahospitality. 14 Bless them which ^apersecute you: bless, and ^bcurse not.

Alma 32:6 And now when Alma heard this, he turned him about, his face immediately towards him, and he beheld with great joy; for he beheld that their ^aafflictions had truly ^bhumbled them, and that they were in a ^cpreparation to hear the word.
Doctrine and Covenants 50: 5 But blessed are they who are faithful and ^aendure, whether in life or in death, for they shall inherit eternal life.
Doctrine and Covenants 58: 2 For verily I say unto you, blessed is he that ^akeepeth my commandments, whether in life or in ^bdeath; and he that is ^cfaithful in ^dtribulation, the ^ereward of the same is greater in the kingdom of heaven. 3 Ye cannot behold with your natural ^aeyes, for the present time, the design of your God concerning those things which shall come hereafter, and the ^bglory which shall follow after much tribulation. 4 For after much ^atribulation come the ^bblessings. Wherefore the day cometh that ye shall be ^ccrowned with much ^dglory; the hour is not yet, but is nigh at hand. 5 Remember this, which I tell you before, that you may ^alay it to heart, and receive that which is to follow. 6 Behold, verily I say unto you, for this cause I have sent you—that you might be obedient, and that your hearts might be ^aprepared to ^bbear ^ctestimony of the things which are to come; 7 And also that you might be honored in laying the foundation, and in bearing record of the land upon which the ^aZion of God shall stand;
Doctrine and Covenants 121:7 My son, ^apeace be unto thy soul; thine ^badversity and thine afflictions shall be but a ^csmall moment; 8 And then, if thou ^aendure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy ^bfoes. 9 Thy ^afriends do stand by thee, and they shall hail thee again with warm hearts and friendly hands.

Doctrine and Covenants 136: 31 My people must be ^atried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the^bglory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not ^cbear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.

I made a lot of mistakes during the process of separation but I think everyone does. The whole situaiton is unnatural and difficult. Emotions run high. It's important to be able to go back and say "I'm sorry" to the person you have hurt and to change your ways. Repentance is a wonderful gift. One thing that really helped me along the way was to go often to my proesthood leaders for support and advice. I tried to follow the advice of my Bishop and Stake President word for word. To avoid even the appearance of evil and to do my best to keep my end of the covenants I had made in the temple. One Sunday I read these scriptures:

10 Behold thou hast a gift, and blessed art thou because of thy agift. Remember it is bsacred and cometh from above—

11 And if thou wilt ainquire, thou shalt know bmysteries which are great and marvelous; therefore thou shalt exercise thy cgift, that thou mayest find out mysteries, that thou mayest bring dmany to the knowledge of the truth, yea, econvince them of the error of their ways.

12 Make not thy gift known unto any save it be those who are of thy faith. Trifle not with asacred things.

13 If thou wilt do agood, yea, and bhold out cfaithful to the dend, thou shalt be saved in the ekingdom of God, which is the greatest of all the fgifts of God; for there is no gift greater than the gift of gsalvation.

14 Verily, verily, I say unto thee, blessed art thou for what thou hast done; for thou hast ainquired of me, and behold, as often as thou hast inquired thou hast received instruction of my Spirit. If it had not been so, thou wouldst not have come to the place where thou art at this time.

15 Behold, thou knowest that thou hast inquired of me and I did enlighten thy amind; and now I tell thee these things that thou mayest know that thou hast been benlightened by the cSpirit of truth;

16 Yea, I tell thee, that thou mayest know that there is none else save God that aknowest thy thoughts and the bintents of thy cheart.

17 I tell thee these things as a witness unto thee—that the words or the work which thou hast been writing are atrue.

18 Therefore be diligent; astand by my bservant Joseph, faithfully, in whatsoever difficult circumstances he may be for the word’s sake.

19 Admonish him in his faults, and also areceive admonition of him. bBe patient; be sober; be temperate; have patience, faith, hope and charity.

20 Behold, thou art Oliver, and I have spoken unto thee because of thy desires; therefore atreasure up these words in thy heart. Be faithful and bdiligent in keeping the commandments of God, and I will encircle thee in the arms of my clove.

21 Behold, I am Jesus Christ, the aSon of God. I am the same that came unto mine bown, and mine own received me not. I am the clight which shineth in ddarkness, and the darkness comprehendeth it not.

22 Verily, verily, I say unto you, if you desire a further witness, cast your mind upon the night that you cried unto me in your heart, that you might aknow concerning the truth of these things.

23 Did I not speak apeace to your mind concerning the matter? What greater bwitness can you have than from God?

24 And now, behold, you have received a awitness; for if I have btold you things which no man knoweth have you not received a witness?
And the one that really hit me was this...33 aFear not to do good, my sons, for whatsoever ye sow, that shall ye also reap; therefore, if ye sow good ye shall also reap good for your reward.

34 Therefore, fear not, little aflock; do good; let earth and hell combine against you, for if ye are bbuilt upon my rock, they cannot prevail.

35 Behold, I do not condemn you; go your ways and asin no more; perform with soberness the work which I have commanded you.

36 Look unto me in every thought; doubt not, fear not.

If Momma Isn't Happy

2009-04-22T22:30:00.001-07:00

Emote, the act of expressing emotions. Through verbal expressions and cues, body language, or through the spiritual connections that is felt by humans, but often hard to explain we all express our emotions.

There is a human responsibility in emoting that is not addressed directly enough. Through the past couple decades emoting is an act of personal expression that people take pride in. There is a “diva” aspect which is almost unchecked emotions.

Women have been exploited through this process. The phrase “if momma isn't’ happy, then ain’t nobody happy” is humorous because it true, and not because it is right. With influences comes responsibility. This responsibility is something that we should take more seriously.

Ask your self these inventory questions

What emotions am I expressing in my different roles and environments?

Do my emotions life others or cause increased emotional strain?

Do I expect others to take my emotions as a responsibility of our relationships?

If so is that expectation verbalized and has they expectation be verbalized to all parties involved?

How am I emoting?

How do others emotions affect mine?

Am I ready to take responsibility for emoting

How do I act more consciously in my expression of emotions?

Consider the Lilies

2009-04-21T09:51:00.000-07:00

I had this song come into my mind today and I felt an overwhelming gratitude for the Lord's tender care. He knows how to succor us. I am amazed with the miracles He has woven into my own life lately. He watches over each and every one of us.

From http://www.hoffmanhouse.com/writingconsider.html

Writing "Consider the Lilies"

At the time I wrote "Consider the Lilies," my wife, Melanie and I had spent five years (now twenty-two) following the Lord's commandment to put the kingdom of God first, believing that he would add everything else we needed. It seemed the Lord would send what we needed in the way of work or help, just when we needed it. Miraculously, we had survived! This allowed us to use our time to teach his Gospel through music. This kind providence had become such a regular occurrence for us that we wanted to tell others about it.

One day, as I was sitting at the piano in our chapel, (we didn't have a piano at home) I found my fingers wandering over the piano keys. I noticed what I was playing and repeated it so I wouldn't forget it. Once the melody had become locked into my consciousness, words began to form in my mind,

"Consider the lilies of the field,how they grow, how they grow."
I grabbed my pencil and began writing.

As quickly as I could write, the words continued,

"Consider the birds in the sky,How they fly, how they fly.
He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the birds in the sky.

And he will feed those who trust him,

And guide them with His eye."

I was beginning to feel very excited! Here was a way to share this marvelous principle!

The words kept coming,
"Consider the sheep of his fold,

How they follow where he leads.

Though the path may wind across the mountains,

He knows the meadows where they feed."

I thought of how Nephi and Lehi had been led on their way through "the more fertile parts of the wilderness..." and how the seas had parted for Moses and the children of Israel.

Again, the chorus re-assured me,
"He clothes the lilies of the field.

He feeds the birds in the sky,

And he will feed those who trust him,

And guide them with his eye."

I was pleased that the message had been so well delivered, and gratefully acknowledged the power that had presented this song to my mind. I was about to rise from the piano bench and go home, when I felt a kind of downward tug, and sat down at the bench again. The message came clearly into my mind, "I'm not finished yet."

I sat down and the verse began,
"Consider the sweet,

tender children

Who must suffer on this earth..."

I panicked. I was afraid to tackle so large a subject. I thought, "My pen is too small to deal with a problem so great."

The thought came into my mind,

"You're not writing this, anyway."

I then remembered someone very dear to me who once said she had a hard time understanding why God would allow little children to be abused, and I had a great desire to help her understand this subject better and be comforted. This urged me on.

So, tremulously, I continued,

The pains of all of them he carried

From the day of his birth.

He clothes the lilies of the field,

He feeds the lambs in His fold,

And he will heal those who trust him,

And make their hearts as gold."

I wept profusely. I could not contain my feelings.

The love I felt was so powerful that I was overcome. (Indeed, for the rest of the day, I felt somewhat removed from this mortal sphere.)

My soul vibrated with the message I had just written, for my own suffering and weakness had been taken in hand by the Wonderful Counselor,

and where once there was darkness,

light by light,

strand by strand,

he rewove the fabric of my heart with threads of purest gold,

so that my affections and sympathies have been,

in a marvelous manner, enlarged and re-trained to make me more like him.

This is the way of the Master. He tells us plainly that he has given us weakness to bring us to him. When we come unto him, he teaches, counsels, and heals us, replacing evil with good, pouring himself into us, a spiritual transfusion where his light replaces our darkness. The light he has put into us works its way through everything we know and feel and draws us to yet greater light.

One day, if we continue, we will be like him, for his light will have chased every trace of darkness from us, and will have drawn into us all the light he has.
Links to Consider the Lilies recordings and sheet music, click here.

None Were With Him

2009-04-15T08:16:00.000-07:00

None Were with Him

Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles

Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are.

Thank you, Sister Thompson, and thanks to the remarkable women of this Church. Brothers and sisters, my Easter-season message today is intended for everyone, but it is directed in a special way to those who are alone or feel alone or, worse yet, feel abandoned. These might include those longing to be married, those who have lost a spouse, and those who have lost—or have never been blessed with—children. Our empathy embraces wives forsaken by their husbands, husbands whose wives have walked away, and children bereft of one or the other of their parents—or both. This group can find within its broad circumference a soldier far from home, a missionary in those first weeks of homesickness, or a father out of work, afraid the fear in his eyes will be visible to his family. In short it can include all of us at various times in our lives.

To all such, I speak of the loneliest journey ever made and the unending blessings it brought to all in the human family. I speak of the Savior’s solitary task of shouldering alone the burden of our salvation. Rightly He would say: “I have trodden the winepress alone; and of the people there was none with me. . . . I looked, and there was none to help; and I wondered that there was none to uphold [me].”¹

As President Uchtdorf so beautifully noted earlier, we know from scripture that Jesus’s messianic arrival in Jerusalem on the Sunday preceding Passover, a day directly analogous to this very morning, was a great public moment. But eagerness to continue walking with Him would quickly begin to wane.

Soon enough He was arraigned before the Israelite leaders of the day—first Annas, the former high priest, then Caiaphas, the current high priest. In their rush to judgment these men and their councils declared their verdict quickly and angrily. “What further need have we of witnesses?” they cried. “He is [worthy] of death.”²

With that He was brought before the gentile rulers in the land. Herod Antipas, the tetrarch of Galilee, interrogated Him once, and Pontius Pilate, the Roman governor in Judea, did so twice, the second time declaring to the crowd, “I, having examined him before you, have found no fault in this man.”³ Then, in an act as unconscionable as it was illogical, Pilate “scourged Jesus, [and] delivered him to be crucified.”⁴ Pilate’s freshly washed hands could not have been more stained or more unclean.

Such ecclesiastical and political rejection became more personal when the citizenry in the street turned against Jesus as well. It is one of the ironies of history that sitting with Jesus in prison was a real blasphemer, a murderer and revolutionary known as Barabbas, a name or title in Aramaic meaning “son of the father.”⁵ Free to release one prisoner in the spirit of the Passover tradition, Pilate asked the people, “Whether of the twain will ye that I release unto you?” They said, “Barabbas.”⁶ So one godless “son of the father” was set free while a truly divine Son of His Heavenly Father moved on to crucifixion.

This was also a telling time among those who knew Jesus more personally. The most difficult to understand in this group is Judas Iscariot. We know the divine plan required Jesus to be crucified, but it is wrenching to think that one of His special witnesses who sat at His feet, heard Him pray, watched Him heal, and felt His touch could betray Him and all that He was for 30 pieces of silver. Never in the history of this world has so little money purchased so much infamy. We are not the ones to judge Judas’s fate, but Jesus said of His betrayer, “Good [were it] for that man if he had not been born.”⁷

Of course others among the believers had their difficult moments as well. Following the Last Supper, Jesus left Peter, James, and John to wait while He ventured into the Garden of Gethsemane alone. Falling on His face in prayer, “sorrowful . . . unto death,”⁸ the record says, His sweat came as great drops of blood⁹ as He pled with the Father to let this crushing, brutal cup pass from Him. But, of course, it could not pass. Returning from such anguished prayer He found His three chief disciples asleep, prompting Him to ask, “Could ye not watch with me one hour?”¹⁰So it happens two more times until on His third return He says compassionately, “Sleep on now, and take your rest,”¹¹ though there would be no rest for Him.

Later, after Jesus’s arrest and appearance at trial, Peter, accused of knowing Jesus and being one of His confidants, denies that accusation not once but three times. We don’t know all that was going on here, nor do we know of protective counsel which the Savior may have given to His Apostles privately,¹² but we do know Jesus was aware that even these precious ones would not stand with Him in the end, and He had warned Peter accordingly.¹³ Then, with the crowing of the cock, “the Lord turned, and looked upon Peter. And Peter remembered the word of the Lord. . . . And [he] went out, and wept bitterly.”¹⁴

Thus, of divine necessity, the supporting circle around Jesus gets smaller and smaller and smaller, giving significance to Matthew’s words: “All the disciples [left] him, and fled.”¹⁵ Peter stayed near enough to be recognized and confronted. John stood at the foot of the cross with Jesus’s mother. Especially and always the blessed women in the Savior’s life stayed as close to Him as they could. But essentially His lonely journey back to His Father continued without comfort or companionship.

Now I speak very carefully, even reverently, of what may have been the most difficult moment in all of this solitary journey to Atonement. I speak of those final moments for which Jesus must have been prepared intellectually and physically but which He may not have fully anticipated emotionally and spiritually—that concluding descent into the paralyzing despair of divine withdrawal when He cries in ultimate loneliness, “My God, my God, why hast thou forsaken me?”¹⁶

The loss of mortal support He had anticipated, but apparently He had not comprehended this. Had He not said to His disciples, “Behold, the hour . . . is now come, that ye shall be scattered, every man to his own, and shall leave me alone: and yet I am not alone, because the Father is with me” and “The Father hath not left me alone; for I do always those things that please him”?¹⁷

With all the conviction of my soul I testify that He did please His Father perfectly and that a perfect Father did not forsake His Son in that hour. Indeed, it is my personal belief that in all of Christ’s mortal ministry the Father may never have been closer to His Son than in these agonizing final moments of suffering. Nevertheless, that the supreme sacrifice of His Son might be as complete as it was voluntary and solitary, the Father briefly withdrew from Jesus the comfort of His Spirit, the support of His personal presence. It was required; indeed it was central to the significance of the Atonement, that this perfect Son who had never spoken ill nor done wrong nor touched an unclean thing had to know how the rest of humankind—us, all of us—would feel when we did commit such sins. For His Atonement to be infinite and eternal, He had to feel what it was like to die not only physically but spiritually, to sense what it was like to have the divine Spirit withdraw, leaving one feeling totally, abjectly, hopelessly alone.

But Jesus held on. He pressed on. The goodness in Him allowed faith to triumph even in a state of complete anguish. The trust He lived by told Him in spite of His feelings that divine compassion is never absent, that God is always faithful, that He never flees nor fails us. When the uttermost farthing had then been paid, when Christ’s determination to be faithful was as obvious as it was utterly invincible, finally and mercifully, it was “finished.”¹⁸ Against all odds and with none to help or uphold Him, Jesus of Nazareth, the living Son of the living God, restored physical life where death had held sway and brought joyful, spiritual redemption out of sin, hellish darkness and despair. With faith in the God He knew was there, He could say in triumph, “Father, into thy hands I commend my spirit.”¹⁹

Brothers and sisters, one of the great consolations of this Easter season is that because Jesus walked such a long, lonely path utterly alone, wedo not have to do so. His solitary journey brought great company for our little version of that path—the merciful care of our Father in Heaven, the unfailing companionship of this Beloved Son, the consummate gift of the Holy Ghost, angels in heaven, family members on both sides of the veil, prophets and apostles, teachers, leaders, friends. All of these and more have been given as companions for our mortal journey because of the Atonement of Jesus Christ and the Restoration of His gospel. Trumpeted from the summit of Calvary is the truth that we will never be left alone nor unaided, even if sometimes we may feel that we are. Truly the Redeemer of us all said, “I will not leave you comfortless. [My Father and] I will come to you [and abide with you].”²⁰

My other plea at Easter time is that these scenes of Christ’s lonely sacrifice, laced with moments of denial and abandonment and, at least once, outright betrayal, must never be reenacted by us. He has walked alone once. Now, may I ask that never again will He have to confront sin without our aid and assistance, that never again will He find only unresponsive onlookers when He sees you and me along His Via Dolorosa in our present day. As we approach this holy week—Passover Thursday with its Paschal Lamb, atoning Friday with its cross, Resurrection Sunday with its empty tomb—may we declare ourselves to be more fully disciples of the Lord Jesus Christ, not in word only and not only in the flush of comfortable times but in deed and in courage and in faith, including when the path is lonely and when our cross is difficult to bear. This Easter week and always, may we stand by Jesus Christ “at all times and in all things, and in all places that [we] may be in, even until death,”²¹ for surely that is how He stood by us when it was unto death and when He had to stand entirely and utterly alone. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

NOTES
1. Isaiah 63:3, 5; see also D&C 76:107; 88:106; 133:50.
2. Matthew 26:65–66; see footnote 66b.
3. Luke 23:14.
4. Matthew 27:26.
5. See Bible Dictionary, “Barabbas,” 619.
6. Matthew 27:21.
7. Matthew 26:24.
8. Matthew 26:38.
9. See Luke 22:44; Mosiah 3:7; D&C 19:18.
10. Matthew 26:40.
11. Matthew 26:45.
12. See Spencer W. Kimball, Peter, My Brother, Brigham Young University Speeches of the Year (July 13, 1971), 5.
13. See Mark 14:27–31.
14. Luke 22:61–62.
15. Matthew 26:56.
16. Matthew 27:46; emphasis added.
17. John 16:32; 8:29.
18. See John 19:30.
19. Luke 23:46.
20. John 14:18, 23.
21. Mosiah 18:9.

The Parable of the Bread Pan

2009-03-11T23:43:00.000-07:00

This story is from Elder Dallin H. Oaks book "The Lord's Way"

I was helping my wife wash dishes on one occasion, (she would say one rare occasion.) She had baked nut bread. When I got to the pans, she said, "Don't try to wash those pans before you soak them in water. The residue is cooked on."

He goes on to say

Many of our erroneous ideas about the things of God and the procedures we should follow to accomplish his purposes are also "cooked on" by heat and pressure of worldly tradition and professional practices. Those ideas will not yield to cleansing until they have been soaked in the living water of gospel principles.

In this life we have lots of erroneous ideas that are baked on. Through love of God, Family, and Friends we can change what the world has taught us so that was can become pure and clean. - Jennifer

The Truth Test

2009-02-28T14:36:00.000-08:00

Women's Conference Messages

2009-02-28T14:31:00.001-08:00

Stake President Wayne Eckman

Do you accentuate or appreciate the differences in your marriage?

As you both individually focus on Christ you come together as a couple.

Each of us brings baggage into the marriage

Read Gary and Joy Lundberg's books on marriage

The statement "we are so different" is used too often in marriage

Learn to become a true help meet

Read Men are from Mars Women are From Venus

Women communicate in waves, men go into caves we would never try to pull a bear out of a cave so why do we do that with men?

Coax them out with a trail of bread and honey

Men are like rubber bands. They often withdraw and then can bounce back in better shape

Men use 12,000 words a day women use 25,000. They come home from work and have met their quota and the women are just warming up

Men like bears are searching for acceptance and appreciation

Men are not mind readers let them know what you expect

Don't use a naggy or shrill voice

Contention does not solve anything and the Spirit of the Lord departs

Read "The tongues of Angels" by Jeffrey R. Holland

Get a Mr. Wonderful Doll like his object lesson:

"you want to go shopping by yourself? Let me come along and carry the bags

"you look tires, why don't you sit down and I'll rub your feet

"Maybe we should talk about our relationship"

" Why don't I cook dinner tonight"

"you look beautiful in the morning."

"Let's just cuddle tonight"

Sherrie Johnson

Author of "A House with Wings, Spiritually Centered Motherhood and Man, Woman, Deity as well as the Broken Bow Nephi board books. Has published more than 100 articles in church magazines and has a PHD in sociology from BYU, mother of 10 children

http://sherriejohnson.blogspot.com "the Good News"

John 8:32 You shall know the truth and the truth shall set you free

Sin is bondage, you are in bondage to the natural man

D&C 93:24 the definition of truth- knowledge of things as they are, as they were and as they are to come

The gospel fits that definition

We are currently living in a telestial world "what is" now is often negative things

While we are preaching the celestial "shoulds" were are living amongst the "shouldn'ts"

The pain comes because we think that in a telestial world everything should be happening the same way it would in a celestial world but it doesn't

There are two kinds of pain in life unnecessary pain and necessary pain

Necessary pain comes from three sources

the first is from the natural conditions of life like sickness, falls, natural disasters

the second source of necessary pain is from when others misuse their agency. We are hurt when someone else says things without thinking, drunk drivers. Once it has happened there is nothing we can do to change it we have to move though the pain

the third source of necessary pain is from spiritual growth and progression. It is a step to being born again a new birth. Spiritual growth and repentance are painful

The second type of pain is unnecessary pain

You are doing this to yourself. Unnecessary pain has four sources

The first is your own misuse of agency. Sin always causes pain. The faster we can repent the less the pain will be
The second is trying to fight against the truth of living in a Telestial world. It is like crying over the weeds that are growing in your garden. You just have to deal with them. Saying to yourself "this shouldn't be happening is just going to cause more pain. Pain is happening because of other people saying and doing things you don't think they should be. We are expecting celestial interactions in a Telestial world. When you react that way you are causing unnecessary pain.
The third type of pain is from trying to avoid necessary pain. A prompting comes into your heart to change or do something and so say "I'm not going to do that." Then not doing it creates guilt. It includes putting yourself down or complaining about yourself. Go through the uncomfortableness and the Lord will bless you. You will come out on the end a better person. There is always a blessing when you pass through necessary pain. Mosiah 2:24. There is never a blessing for unnecessary pain.
The fourth type of unnecessary pain comes from denying Christ.

Women are too hard on ourselves. We are doing everything we can and we still think it's not good enough
thinking you have to do it all by yourself. With Christ you can do anything you need to do
going through the repentance process and refusing to forgive yourself is denying Jesus Chris and His atonement
comparing yourself to other people is denying Christ. God made you YOU because that is the very best place you can be in the universe. Wishing you were someone else or somewhere else is saying "God didn't know what he was doing when He sent me here." You are here for a reason forget about everyone else around you. DO what you are supposed to do.
thinking you will never be good enough. The fact is you never will be! Jesus Christ was sent here to be good enough for you. Every day do the best you can and he'll do the rest for you. The path of unnecessary pain is the path of fear.

As you let go of unnecessary pain you will grow in your ability to deal with necessary pain. Watch your self -talk, catch yourself when you are saying "he shouldn't say that, she shouldn't do that, this shouldn't be happening." It is that thought process that brings unnecessary pain.

STOP and let the Spirit take the lead. Then you will overcome all evil. Stop the thinking before it becomes behavior. Stop the emotional line of thinking and go back into neutral. Stop the negative stories you are telling yourself in your head. Get rid of the negative complaining. It is all in your perspective. Do you generate negative feelings?

Try the process called anchoring. Go into a neutral place. Concentrate on the present moment.

When your peace is destroyed it is because you are worrying about the past you can not change or the future you can't predict. The Spirit of truth only exist in the present moment. You can be in the middle of adversity and still be filled with peace. The spirit doesn't worry about the past except to remind you to repent. "Do what is right right now." the Savior will recompense and work out the rest. Enjoy the spilled milk.

Read 1st Nephi and look at how Nephi deals with all the Telestial situations that are thrown at him. He goes through necessary pain because of his brother's misuse of agency. he has been tied up on a ship by his brothers but he immediately picks up the Liahona and it works. He has no animosity in his heart. He has refused to let unnecessary pain ruin his emotions. He thinks about God while going through the necessary pain. Do the Truth test posted above

Music For Mood

2009-02-25T08:49:00.000-08:00

Music has always been for me a way to healing. I have found that it can soothe my soul or motivate me. So I am posting one of Todd and my favorite musicians on a playlist...Paul Cardall. He is an inspiration to us and his music has lifted our home and brought us peace. Here's to hoping he gets a heart soon.

Broken Things To Mend

2009-02-16T04:25:00.000-08:00

Yesterday I started reading the book "Broken Things to Mend" by Jeffrey R. Holland. I have noticed lately how many walls I have unintentionally put up over the years to protect my feelings because my heart has been broken many times. Despite all of my human efforts to heal and to trust again I have realized that I can not do it alone. The only way I can forgive, forget and feel completely loved is with the help of a Savior. I think intellectually I have always known this. There have been times in my life that I can look back upon knowing without a doubt He has mended my heart. The hard part for me is in applying what I knew and felt then to what I am feeling now... to the problems, doubts and hurts I am trying to mend.

Hoping to find answers and relief I plunked down in front of our fireplace and began to read. Here are my favorite parts:

" I offer the surest and sweetest remedy that I know. It is found in the clarion call the Savior of the world Himself gave. He said it in the beginning of His ministry, and He said it in the end. He said it to believers, and He said it to those who were not so sure. He said to everyone, whatever their personal problems might be:

"Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.

"Take my yoke upon you, and learn of me; for I am meek and lowly in heart: and ye shall find rest unto your souls."²

In this promise, that introductory phrase, "come unto me," is crucial. It is the key to the peace and rest we seek."

He promises. "I will give you answers to your prayers. I will give you rest to your souls."

My beloved friends, I know of no other way for us to succeed or to be safe amid life's many pitfalls and problems. I know of no other way for us to carry our burdens.

Just believing, just having a "molecule" of faith—simply hoping for things which are not yet seen in our lives, but which are nevertheless truly there to be bestowed⁸—that simple step, when focused on the Lord Jesus Christ, has ever been and always will be the first principle of His eternal gospel, the first step out of despair.

Second, we must change anything we can change that may be part of the problem. In short we must repent, perhaps the most hopeful and encouraging word in the Christian vocabulary. We thank our Father in Heaven we are allowed to change, we thank Jesus we can change, and ultimately we do so only with Their divine assistance. Certainly not everything we struggle with is a result of our actions. Often it is the result of the actions of others or just the mortal events of life. But anything we can change we should change, and we must forgive the rest. In this way our access to the Savior's Atonement becomes as unimpeded as we, with our imperfections, can make it. He will take it from there.

Third, in as many ways as possible we try to take upon us His identity, and we begin by taking upon us His name."

The thing that hit me the most was this poem in the first chapter of the book, printed on pages 9 and 10.

In Nazareth, the narrow road,
That tires the feet and steals the breath,
Passes the place where once abode
The Carpenter of Nazareth.

And up and down the dusty way
The village folk would often wend;
And on the bench, beside Him, lay
Their broken things for Him to mend.

The maiden with the doll she broke,
The woman with the broken chair,
The man with broken plough, or yoke,
Said, "Can you mend it, Carpenter?"

And each received the thing he sought,
In yoke, or plough, or chair, or doll;
The broken thing which each had brought
Returned again a perfect whole.

So, up the hill the long years through,
With heavy step and wistful eye,
The burdened souls their way pursue,
Uttering each the plaintive cry:

"O Carpenter of Nazareth,
This heart, that's broken past repair,
This life, that's shattered nigh to death,
Oh, can You mend them, Carpenter?"

And by His kind and ready hand,
His own sweet life is woven through
Our broken lives, until they stand
A New Creation—"all things new."

"The shattered [substance] of [the] heart,
Desire, ambition, hope, and faith,
Mould Thou into the perfect part,
O, Carpenter of Nazareth!"¹⁹

If you are lonely, please know you can find comfort. If you are discouraged, please know you can find hope. If you are poor in spirit, please know you can be strengthened. If you feel you are broken, please know you can be mended.--Jeffery R. Holland

I hope to find time to post more as I continue reading as Elder Holland's message has taught me much so far.

Love

2009-02-15T20:58:00.000-08:00

Don't forget as we celebrate love that we find love as we give it.

Looking Down and Looking Up

2009-02-03T12:17:00.001-08:00

Ezra Taft Benson, “Beware of Pride,” Ensign, May 1989, 4

My beloved brethren and sisters, I rejoice to be with you in another glorious general conference of the Church. How grateful I am for the love, prayers, and service of the devoted members of the Church throughout the world.

May I commend you faithful Saints who are striving to flood the earth and your lives with the Book of Mormon. Not only must we move forward in a monumental manner more copies of the Book of Mormon, but we must move boldly forward into our own lives and throughout the earth more of its marvelous messages.

This sacred volume was written for us—for our day. Its scriptures are to be likened unto ourselves. (See 1 Ne. 19:23.)

The Doctrine and Covenants tells us that the Book of Mormon is the “record of a fallen people.” (D&C 20:9.) Why did they fall? This is one of the major messages of the Book of Mormon. Mormon gives the answer in the closing chapters of the book in these words: “Behold, the pride of this nation, or the people of the Nephites, hath proven their destruction.” (Moro. 8:27.) And then, lest we miss that momentous Book of Mormon message from that fallen people, the Lord warns us in the Doctrine and Covenants, “Beware of pride, lest ye become as the Nephites of old.” (D&C 38:39.)

I earnestly seek an interest in your faith and prayers as I strive to bring forth light on this Book of Mormon message—the sin of pride. This message has been weighing heavily on my soul for some time. I know the Lord wants this message delivered now.

In the premortal council, it was pride that felled Lucifer, “a son of the morning.” (2 Ne. 24:12–15; see also D&C 76:25–27; Moses 4:3.) At the end of this world, when God cleanses the earth by fire, the proud will be burned as stubble and the meek shall inherit the earth. (See 3 Ne. 12:5, 3 Ne. 25:1; D&C 29:9; JS—H 1:37; Mal. 4:1.)
Three times in the Doctrine and Covenants the Lord uses the phrase “beware of pride,” including a warning to the second elder of the Church, Oliver Cowdery, and to Emma Smith, the wife of the Prophet. (D&C 23:1; see also D&C 25:14; D&C 38:39.)

Pride is a very misunderstood sin, and many are sinning in ignorance. (See Mosiah 3:11; 3 Ne. 6:18.) In the scriptures there is no such thing as righteous pride—it is always considered a sin. Therefore, no matter how the world uses the term, we must understand how God uses the term so we can understand the language of holy writ and profit thereby. (See 2 Ne. 4:15; Mosiah 1:3–7; Alma 5:61.)

Most of us think of pride as self-centeredness, conceit, boastfulness, arrogance, or haughtiness. All of these are elements of the sin, but the heart, or core, is still missing.
The central feature of pride is enmity—enmity toward God and enmity toward our fellowmen. Enmity means “hatred toward, hostility to, or a state of opposition.” It is the power by which Satan wishes to reign over us.
Pride is essentially competitive in nature. We pit our will against God’s. When we direct our pride toward God, it is in the spirit of “my will and not thine be done.” As Paul said, they “seek their own, not the things which are Jesus Christ’s.” (Philip. 2:21.)

Our will in competition to God’s will allows desires, appetites, and passions to go unbridled. (See Alma 38:12; 3 Ne. 12:30.)

The proud cannot accept the authority of God giving direction to their lives. (See Hel. 12:6.) They pit their perceptions of truth against God’s great knowledge, their abilities versus God’s priesthood power, their accomplishments against His mighty works.

Our enmity toward God takes on many labels, such as rebellion, hard-heartedness, stiff-neckedness, unrepentant, puffed up, easily offended, and sign seekers. The proud wish God would agree with them. They aren’t interested in changing their opinions to agree with God’s.
Another major portion of this very prevalent sin of pride is enmity toward our fellowmen. We are tempted daily to elevate ourselves above others and diminish them. (See Hel. 6:17; D&C 58:41.)

The proud make every man their adversary by pitting their intellects, opinions, works, wealth, talents, or any other worldly measuring device against others. In the words of C. S. Lewis: “Pride gets no pleasure out of having something, only out of having more of it than the next man. … It is the comparison that makes you proud: the pleasure of being above the rest. Once the element of competition has gone, pride has gone.” (Mere Christianity, New York: Macmillan, 1952, pp. 109–10.)

In the pre-earthly council, Lucifer placed his proposal in competition with the Father’s plan as advocated by Jesus Christ. (See Moses 4:1–3.) He wished to be honored above all others. (See 2 Ne. 24:13.) In short, his prideful desire was to dethrone God. (See D&C 29:36; D&C 76:28.)

The scriptures abound with evidences of the severe consequences of the sin of pride to individuals, groups, cities, and nations. “Pride goeth before destruction.” (Prov. 16:18.) It destroyed the Nephite nation and the city of Sodom. (See Moro. 8:27; Ezek. 16:49–50.)

It was through pride that Christ was crucified. The Pharisees were wroth because Jesus claimed to be the Son of God, which was a threat to their position, and so they plotted His death. (See John 11:53.)

Saul became an enemy to David through pride. He was jealous because the crowds of Israelite women were singing that “Saul hath slain his thousands, and David his ten thousands.” (1 Sam. 18:6–8.)

The proud stand more in fear of men’s judgment than of God’s judgment. (See D&C 3:6–7; D&C 30:1–2; D&C 60:2.) “What will men think of me?” weighs heavier than “What will God think of me?”

King Noah was about to free the prophet Abinadi, but an appeal to his pride by his wicked priests sent Abinadi to the flames. (See Mosiah 17:11–12.) Herod sorrowed at the request of his wife to behead John the Baptist. But his prideful desire to look good to “them which sat with him at meat” caused him to kill John. (Matt. 14:9; see also Mark 6:26.)

Fear of men’s judgment manifests itself in competition for men’s approval. The proud love “the praise of men more than the praise of God.” (John 12:42–43.) Our motives for the things we do are where the sin is manifest. Jesus said He did “always those things” that pleased God. (John 8:29.) Would we not do well to have the pleasing of God as our motive rather than to try to elevate ourselves above our brother and outdo another?

Some prideful people are not so concerned as to whether their wages meet their needs as they are that their wages are more than someone else’s. Their reward is being a cut above the rest. This is the enmity of pride.

When pride has a hold on our hearts, we lose our independence of the world and deliver our freedoms to the bondage of men’s judgment. The world shouts louder than the whisperings of the Holy Ghost. The reasoning of men overrides the revelations of God, and the proud let go of the iron rod. (See 1 Ne. 8:19–28; 1 Ne. 11:25; 1 Ne. 15:23–24.)

Pride is a sin that can readily be seen in others but is rarely admitted in ourselves. Most of us consider pride to be a sin of those on the top, such as the rich and the learned, looking down at the rest of us. (See 2 Ne. 9:42.) There is, however, a far more common ailment among us—and that is pride from the bottom looking up. It is manifest in so many ways, such as faultfinding, gossiping, backbiting, murmuring, living beyond our means, envying, coveting, withholding gratitude and praise that might lift another, and being unforgiving and jealous.

Disobedience is essentially a prideful power struggle against someone in authority over us. It can be a parent, a priesthood leader, a teacher, or ultimately God. A proud person hates the fact that someone is above him. He thinks this lowers his position.

Selfishness is one of the more common faces of pride. “How everything affects me” is the center of all that matters—self-conceit, self-pity, worldly self-fulfillment, self-gratification, and self-seeking.

Pride results in secret combinations which are built up to get power, gain, and glory of the world. (See Hel. 7:5; Ether 8:9, 16, 22–23; Moses 5:31.) This fruit of the sin of pride, namely secret combinations, brought down both the Jaredite and the Nephite civilizations and has been and will yet be the cause of the fall of many nations. (See Ether 8:18–25.)

Another face of pride is contention. Arguments, fights, unrighteous dominion, generation gaps, divorces, spouse abuse, riots, and disturbances all fall into this category of pride.
Contention in our families drives the Spirit of the Lord away. It also drives many of our family members away. Contention ranges from a hostile spoken word to worldwide conflicts. The scriptures tell us that “only by pride cometh contention.” (Prov. 13:10; see also Prov. 28:25.)
The scriptures testify that the proud are easily offended and hold grudges. (See 1 Ne. 16:1–3.) They withhold forgiveness to keep another in their debt and to justify their injured feelings.
The proud do not receive counsel or correction easily. (See Prov. 15:10; Amos 5:10.) Defensiveness is used by them to justify and rationalize their frailties and failures. (See Matt. 3:9; John 6:30–59.)

The proud depend upon the world to tell them whether they have value or not. Their self-esteem is determined by where they are judged to be on the ladders of worldly success. They feel worthwhile as individuals if the numbers beneath them in achievement, talent, beauty, or intellect are large enough. Pride is ugly. It says, “If you succeed, I am a failure.”

If we love God, do His will, and fear His judgment more than men’s, we will have self-esteem.
Pride is a damning sin in the true sense of that word. It limits or stops progression. (See Alma 12:10–11.) The proud are not easily taught. (See 1 Ne. 15:3, 7–11.) They won’t change their minds to accept truths, because to do so implies they have been wrong.

Pride adversely affects all our relationships—our relationship with God and His servants, between husband and wife, parent and child, employer and employee, teacher and student, and all mankind. Our degree of pride determines how we treat our God and our brothers and sisters. Christ wants to lift us to where He is. Do we desire to do the same for others?

Pride fades our feelings of sonship to God and brotherhood to man. It separates and divides us by “ranks,” according to our “riches” and our “chances for learning.” (3 Ne. 6:12.) Unity is impossible for a proud people, and unless we are one we are not the Lord’s. (See Mosiah 18:21; D&C 38:27; D&C 105:2–4; Moses 7:18.)

Think of what pride has cost us in the past and what it is now costing us in our own lives, our families, and the Church.

Think of the repentance that could take place with lives changed, marriages preserved, and homes strengthened, if pride did not keep us from confessing our sins and forsaking them. (See D&C 58:43.)

Think of the many who are less active members of the Church because they were offended and their pride will not allow them to forgive or fully sup at the Lord’s table.

Think of the tens of thousands of additional young men and couples who could be on missions except for the pride that keeps them from yielding their hearts unto God. (See Alma 10:6; Hel. 3:34–35.)

Think how temple work would increase if the time spent in this godly service were more important than the many prideful pursuits that compete for our time.

Pride affects all of us at various times and in various degrees. Now you can see why the building in Lehi’s dream that represents the pride of the world was large and spacious and great was the multitude that did enter into it. (See 1 Ne. 8:26, 33; 1 Ne. 11:35–36.)

Pride is the universal sin, the great vice. Yes, pride is the universal sin, the great vice.

The antidote for pride is humility—meekness, submissiveness. (See Alma 7:23.) It is the broken heart and contrite spirit. (See 3 Ne. 9:20; 3 Ne. 12:19; D&C 20:37; D&C 59:8; Ps. 34:18; Isa. 57:15; Isa. 66:2.) As Rudyard Kipling put it so well:

The tumult and the shouting dies; The captains and the kings depart. Still stands thine ancient sacrifice, An humble and a contrite heart. Lord God of Hosts, be with us yet, Lest we forget, lest we forget. (Hymns, 1985, no. 80.)

God will have a humble people. Either we can choose to be humble or we can be compelled to be humble. Alma said, “Blessed are they who humble themselves without being compelled to be humble.” (Alma 32:16.)

Let us choose to be humble.

We can choose to humble ourselves by conquering enmity toward our brothers and sisters, esteeming them as ourselves, and lifting them as high or higher than we are. (See D&C 38:24; D&C 81:5; D&C 84:106.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by receiving counsel and chastisement. (See Jacob 4:10; Hel. 15:3; D&C 63:55; D&C 101:4–5; D&C 108:1; D&C 124:61, 84; D&C 136:31; Prov. 9:8.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by forgiving those who have offended us. (See 3 Ne. 13:11, 14; D&C 64:10.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by rendering selfless service. (See Mosiah 2:16–17.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by going on missions and preaching the word that can humble others. (See Alma 4:19; Alma 31:5; Alma 48:20.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by getting to the temple more frequently.
We can choose to humble ourselves by confessing and forsaking our sins and being born of God. (See D&C 58:43; Mosiah 27:25–26; Alma 5:7–14, 49.)
We can choose to humble ourselves by loving God, submitting our will to His, and putting Him first in our lives. (See 3 Ne. 11:11; 3 Ne. 13:33; Moro. 10:32.)
Let us choose to be humble. We can do it. I know we can.
My dear brethren and sisters, we must prepare to redeem Zion. It was essentially the sin of pride that kept us from establishing Zion in the days of the Prophet Joseph Smith. It was the same sin of pride that brought consecration to an end among the Nephites. (See 4 Ne. 1:24–25.)
Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion. I repeat: Pride is the great stumbling block to Zion.
We must cleanse the inner vessel by conquering pride. (See Alma 6:2–4; Matt. 23:25–26.)
We must yield “to the enticings of the Holy Spirit,” put off the prideful “natural man,” become “a saint through the atonement of Christ the Lord,” and become “as a child, submissive, meek, humble.” (Mosiah 3:19; see also Alma 13:28.)
That we may do so and go on to fulfill our divine destiny is my fervent prayer in the name of Jesus Christ, amen.

I can still remember when my counselor at LDS family services gave me this article as homework to read. OUCH! I had never thought of pride as having so many dimensions. I re read this talk whenever I can to remind me that through the atonement of Christ I am choosing to be humble. It really doesn't matter what others think of us so long as we know inside what God thinks of us. This life is not one of perfection, it is one of learning and reaching for help instead of relying on the arm of flesh. I know when I repent and do all that I can to be better than I was yesterday that is sufficient in the Lord's eyes. When I am leaning on Him I can become again as a child.

Codependency

2009-01-29T07:50:00.000-08:00

Characteristics of Co-dependent People Are:

An exaggerated sense of responsibility for the actions of others
A tendency to confuse love and pity, with the tendency to “love” people they can pity and rescue A tendency to do more than their share, all of the time
A tendency to become hurt when people don’t recognize their efforts
An unhealthy dependence on relationships. The co-dependent will do anything to hold on to a relationship; to avoid the feeling of abandonment
An extreme need for approval and recognition
A sense of guilt when asserting themselves
A compelling need to control others
Lack of trust in self and/or others
Fear of being abandoned or alone
Difficulty identifying feelings
Rigidity/difficulty adjusting to change
Problems with intimacy/boundaries
Chronic anger
Lying/dishonesty
Poor communications
Difficulty making decisions

Questionnaire To Identify Signs Of Co-dependency
This condition appears to run in different degrees, whereby the intensity of symptoms are on a spectrum of severity, as opposed to an all or nothing scale. Please note that only a qualified professional can make a diagnosis of co-dependency; not everyone experiencing these symptoms suffers from co-dependency.

1. Do you keep quiet to avoid arguments?

2. Are you always worried about others’ opinions of you?

3. Have you ever lived with someone with an alcohol or drug problem?

4. Have you ever lived with someone who hits or belittles you?

5. Are the opinions of others more important than your own?

6. Do you have difficulty adjusting to changes at work or home?

7. Do you feel rejected when significant others spend time with friends?

8. Do you doubt your ability to be who you want to be?

9. Are you uncomfortable expressing your true feelings to others?10. Have you ever felt inadequate?

11. Do you feel like a “bad person” when you make a mistake?

12. Do you have difficulty taking compliments or gifts?

13. Do you feel humiliation when your child or spouse makes a mistake?

14. Do you think people in your life would go downhill without your constant efforts?

15. Do you frequently wish someone could help you get things done?

16. Do you have difficulty talking to people in authority, such as the police or your boss?

17. Are you confused about who you are or where you are going with your life?

18. Do you have trouble saying “no” when asked for help?

19. Do you have trouble asking for help?

20. Do you have so many things going at once that you can’t do justice to any of them?

If you identify with several of these symptoms; are dissatisfied with yourself or your relationships; you should consider seeking professional help. Arrange for a diagnostic evaluation with a licensed physician or psychologist experienced in treating co-dependency.

from Mental Health America

handouts courtesy of LDS Family Services

Boundaries

2009-01-21T09:07:00.001-08:00

My husband and I have been reminded these last couple of days about the importance of maintaining and establishing firm boundaries with our family members. I think of a boundary as something that protects our self and our family...it is something that draws a distinguishing wall keeping the good influences in and the bad influences out. It is something that helps us define what we will and will not allow to become a part of our emotional lives.

The synopsis of Dr. Cloud and Townsend's book puts it this way "Having clear boundaries is essential to a healthy, balanced lifestyle. A boundary is a personal property line that marks those things for which we are responsible. In other words, boundaries define who we are and who we are not. Boundaries impact all areas of our lives: Physical boundaries help us determine who may touch us, mental boundaries give us the freedom to have our own thoughts, emotional boundaries help us to deal with our own emotions and spiritual boundaries help us to distinguish God's will from our own."

Robert Burney discusses setting personal boundaries and protecting our self, he states,
"The purpose of having boundaries is to protect and take care of ourselves. We need to be able to tell other people when they are acting in ways that are not acceptable to us. A first step is starting to know that we have a right to protect and defend ourselves. That we have not only the right, but the duty to take responsibility for how we allow others to treat us."

This concept is something that is hard to accept for those coming from codependent, abusive, dysfunctional or addicted families. In our case, sometimes others won't accept NO for an answer or try to push their will on us. In reality, we all have free agency. We can choose to act for ourselves regardless of emotional manipulations or pressure from others. Here are some examples of boundaries we have set in our home...

Avoid drama and contention in relationships with others. State our feelings assertively and set personal boundaries in conversation. For example "I feel..." or "Please don't yell at me, if you continue to do so I am going to hang up the phone."
If necessary, avoid people with a history of infringing upon your personal boundaries. Don't answer phone calls, open e-mails or interact with that person if they show time and time again they can not control their emotions.
Do not allow the dogs to rule the house. Set up a physical boundary of a gate or dog door if the dogs don't respond to a verbal command.
Keep worldly and destructive influences out of our home. Put blocks on the Internet, throw away magazines, books, music or ads that have any questionable content. Turn off radio stations or television shows that are inappropriate. Be the captain of our ship, safeguard our home.
Realize that there is no such thing as controlling an other's actions or thoughts. We can not be emotionally controlled by others. We choose the way we react to each human interaction and circumstance of life. Any attempt to control another is simply an illusion, and in may cases it is abusive. We are free to choose captivity or liberty for ourselves.

Hope these readings help! Draw your line and stick to it with integrity...

How To Set Boundaries

Thriving

Livestrong Foundation

A Guide to Boundaries

Boundaries and Relationships

Books

A Request

2009-01-17T07:39:00.000-08:00

Thank you so much for those who have been posting and commenting. We had a request for a post about food addictions and overeating so here's a complied list of links and information. I know they suggest treating any issue with food as an addiction and the 12-step program is a great way to start. This book list is another good place to start. It means turning things over to a higher power and admitting to yourself and others that you can't do it alone. This can be a hard step...one foot in front of the other, little by little loving yourself and the way you were made! We are behind you!

Wikipedia on overeating

Food Addicts Anonymous

Web MD

12 Steps of Overeaters Anonymous

Overcoming

Articles compiled on About.com

A New Perspective for a New Year!

2009-01-11T05:03:00.001-08:00

When we see people and start to notice their struggles, these strugges might be emotional, physical, spiritual or mental. Whatever they are it is important that we don't zoom-in on those aspects of a person. No one is their greatest weakness. People are not their mistakes. When we look at people in our lives with a desire to understand we allow them to be whole people who have many parts.

As you seek to understand how to live a happier life here is my first suggestion....broaden your perspective.

When you take a look at yourself allow for the good and the bad. Understand that we are people with histories, and often in that history is the answer to why. It can be hard to accept our weakness, and when they become the focus of how those we love view us we begin to feel broken, and our weakness is all others see.

Once you can see yourself as a whole person allow this vision to expand to those in your life.

Take this opportunity to see yourself and others from a new perspective, it is a great way to start the new year.

Welcome!

2008-12-28T17:17:00.000-08:00

I am hoping to expand this site to make it a resource and collaborative forum. Those of you who have personal or professional experience in social work and family issues feel free to help out in any way.

We have invited new contributors whom I know have expertise and new ideas. Please feel free to post on this blog or comment. Once you have accepted your invite you can make a post and introduce yourself or a topic. If anyone would like to post anonymously or under another name, you may open up a new hotmail or gmail account to sign in. Just e-mail me the new address and I will add you as a writer. Also please forward any associates or friends you think may be interested in blogging with us. My hope in adding other writers is that the site will open up new avenues and we will be able to reach out to many more. THANKS!

To start, which subjects do you think we should address? Which books should we add to goodreads?

Holiday Stress

2008-12-26T16:53:00.000-08:00

Each year with the holidays approaching I find my stress and anxiety increases. Big family get togethers bring tension. I understand why so many of our alcohol and drug clients relapsed every Christmas or New Year's. We would never let them go on their break without a relapse prevention plan in hand. So, for next year our family will be prepared with our own stress prevention plan! Here are some helps...

Stress, depression and the holidays: 12 tips for coping from the Mayo Clinic

Stress and depression can ruin your holidays and hurt your health. Being realistic, planning ahead and seeking support can help ward off stress and depression.

For some people, the holidays bring unwelcome guests — stress and depression. And it's no wonder. In an effort to pull off a perfect Hallmark holiday, you might find yourself facing a dizzying array of demands — work, parties, shopping, baking, cleaning, caring for elderly parents or kids on school break, and scores of other chores. So much for peace and joy, right?
Actually, with some practical tips, you can minimize the stress and depression that often accompany the holidays. You may even end up enjoying the holidays more than you thought you would.

The trigger points of holiday stress and depression
Holiday stress and depression are often the result of three main trigger points. Understanding these trigger points can help you plan ahead on how to accommodate them.

The three main trigger points of holiday stress or depression:

Relationships. Relationships can cause turmoil, conflict or stress at any time. But tensions are often heightened during the holidays. Family misunderstandings and conflicts can intensify — especially if you're all thrust together for several days. Conflicts are bound to arise with so many different personalities, needs and interests. On the other hand, if you're facing the holidays without a loved one, you may find yourself especially lonely or sad.

Finances. Like your relationships, your financial situation can cause stress at any time of the year. But overspending during the holidays on gifts, travel, food and entertainment can increase stress as you try to make ends meet while ensuring that everyone on your gift list is happy. You may find yourself in a financial spiral that leaves you with depression symptoms such as hopelessness, sadness and helplessness.

Physical demands. The strain of shopping, attending social gatherings and preparing holiday meals can wipe you out. Feeling exhausted increases your stress, creating a vicious cycle. Exercise and sleep — good antidotes for stress and fatigue — may take a back seat to chores and errands. High demands, stress, lack of exercise, and overindulgence in food and drink — all are ingredients for holiday illness.

12 tips to prevent holiday stress and depression
When stress is at its peak, it's hard to stop and regroup. Try to prevent stress and depression in the first place, especially if you know the holidays have taken an emotional toll in previous years.
Tips you can try to head off holiday stress and depression:

Acknowledge your feelings. If a loved one has recently died or you aren't able to be with your loved ones, realize that it's normal to feel sadness or grief. It's OK now and then to take time just to cry or express your feelings. You can't force yourself to be happy just because it's the holiday season.

Seek support. If you feel isolated or down, seek out family members and friends, or community, religious or social services. They can offer support and companionship. Consider volunteering at a community or religious function. Getting involved and helping others can lift your spirits and broaden your friendships. Also, enlist support for organizing holiday gatherings, as well as meal preparation and cleanup. You don't have to go it alone. Don't be a martyr.

Be realistic. As families change and grow, traditions and rituals often change as well. Hold on to those you can and want to. But accept that you may have to let go of others. For example, if your adult children and grandchildren can't all gather at your house as usual, find new ways to celebrate together from afar, such as sharing pictures, e-mails or videotapes.

Set differences aside. Try to accept family members and friends as they are, even if they don't live up to all your expectations. Practice forgiveness. Set aside grievances until a more appropriate time for discussion. With stress and activity levels high, the holidays might not be conducive to making quality time for relationships. And be understanding if others get upset or distressed when something goes awry. Chances are they're feeling the effects of holiday stress and depression, too.

Stick to a budget. Before you go shopping, decide how much money you can afford to spend on gifts and other items. Then be sure to stick to your budget. If you don't, you could feel anxious and tense for months afterward as you struggle to pay the bills. Don't try to buy happiness with an avalanche of gifts. Donate to a charity in someone's name, give homemade gifts or start a family gift exchange.

Plan ahead. Set aside specific days for shopping, baking, visiting friends and other activities. Plan your menus and then make one big food-shopping trip. That'll help prevent a last-minute scramble to buy forgotten ingredients — and you'll have time to make another pie, if the first one's a flop. Expect travel delays, especially if you're flying.

Learn to say no. Believe it or not, people will understand if you can't do certain projects or activities. If you say yes only to what you really want to do, you'll avoid feeling resentful, bitter and overwhelmed. If it's really not possible to say no when your boss asks you to work overtime, try to remove something else from your agenda to make up for the lost time.

Don't abandon healthy habits. Don't let the holidays become a dietary free-for-all. Some indulgence is OK, but overindulgence only adds to your stress and guilt. Have a healthy snack before holiday parties so that you don't go overboard on sweets, cheese or drinks. Continue to get plenty of sleep and schedule time for physical activity.

Take a breather. Make some time for yourself. Spending just 15 minutes alone, without distractions, may refresh you enough to handle everything you need to do. Steal away to a quiet place, even if it's to the bathroom for a few moments of solitude. Take a walk at night and stargaze. Listen to soothing music. Find something that reduces stress by clearing your mind, slowing your breathing and restoring inner calm.

Rethink resolutions. Resolutions can set you up for failure if they're unrealistic. Don't resolve to change your whole life to make up for past excess. Instead, try to return to basic, healthy lifestyle routines. Set smaller, more specific goals with a reasonable time frame. Choose only those resolutions that help you feel valuable and that provide more than only fleeting moments of happiness.

Forget about perfection. Holiday TV specials are filled with happy endings. But in real life, people don't usually resolve problems within an hour or two. Something always comes up. You may get stuck late at the office and miss your daughter's school play, your sister may dredge up an old argument, your partner may burn the cookies, and your mother may criticize how you're raising the kids. All in the same day. Accept imperfections in yourself and in others.

Seek professional help if you need it. Despite your best efforts, you may find yourself feeling persistently sad or anxious, plagued by physical complaints, unable to sleep, irritable and hopeless, and unable to face routine chores. If these feelings last for several weeks, talk to your doctor or a mental health professional. You may have depression.

Take back control of holiday stress and depression

Remember, one key to minimizing holiday stress and depression is knowing that the holidays can trigger stress and depression. Accept that things aren't always going to go as planned. Then take active steps to manage stress and depression during the holidays. You may actually enjoy the holidays this year more than you thought you could.

APA

A Healthy Me

SMEAD

Six Natural Sleep Aides

2008-12-17T09:16:00.000-08:00

Skip the Sleeping Pills -- These 6 All-Natural Herbs Can Ease Your Insomnia

by QuickandSimple.com

You've probably been there: Tossing and turning at night, you pop a few Tylenol PMs. Sure, you nod off quickly, but the next day you can barely make it to the office in your semi-zombified state.Next time you're having trouble getting to sleep, try out one of these herbals remedies -- way gentler than the chemical alternatives, but for many people, still effective.

Valerian root: It stinks, but it’s the most effective sleep-inducer of all herbal cures. You can find it in capsule, tea, tablet or liquid extract forms.

Valerian root can also ease anxiety and muscle stiffness -- find out how.

Chamomile Tea: Drink a cup before hitting the sheets. Learn how chamomile tea can also help out with digestive problems, menstrual cramps and more.

Celery: Munch on some; it’s loaded with sedatives. We've got hundreds of recipes that use celery -- try one!

Lemon balm: It can be soothing and emit a pleasant scent.

Lavender: Take a whiff of lavender while taking a warm evening bath. It relaxes the nervous system, reducing stress hormones that often keep you awake. Lavender’s scent also ups the production of relaxing alpha waves in the brain for deeper sleep. If you get migraines, lavender can help with that too.

Hops: If your sleeping problems are connected to your period, hops can be useful because it balances out fluctuating hormone levels. Stuff a sleep sachet containing the herb under your pillow.

Domestic Violence

2008-12-14T10:27:00.000-08:00

This is a heavy subject I realize, but my hopes are to help raise awareness and link others to outside resources. When I worked as a victims advocate and child protective worker in Utah I was amazed at how much DV is present in "every day homes." It is a problem not to be overlooked. The Division of Child and Family Services now has very specific guidelines now relating to Domestic Violence Related Child Abuse to protect the young children from witnessing arguments and violence in the home. Here are some of the resources we used and others found on the web. Reach out for help...YOU ARE NOT ALONE!

If you are in crisis or need help, please call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at:1-800-799-SAFE (7233)

or TTY for the Deaf:1-800-787-3224

Help is available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

Se Habla Español

The Cycle of Abuse Diagram
A Safety Plan
Mayo Clinic Page
DV Checklist
CADA
Center for Women and Children in Crisis
DCFS Site on Domestic Violence

What is Domestic Violence?

A recent study shows that, in Utah, one in every 10 women has experienced emotional or physical abuse by an intimate partner within the last year. Even more sobering, the study reveals that 40% of women have been abused at some time in their lives.
The study was conducted at LDS Hospital in Salt Lake City. Researchers asked all adult women who came through their emergency room during a one-month period in 2001 to fill out a confidential survey. A total of 360 women agreed to participate.

Domestic violence is defined as a pattern of abusive and coercive behaviors that may include inflicted physical injury, psychological abuse, sexual assault, progressive social isolation, stalking, deprivation, intimidation, and threats. These behaviors are perpetrated by someone who is, was, or wishes to be involved in an intimate or dating relationship with an adult or adolescent, and are aimed at establishing control by one partner over the other.

Domestic Violence Statistics

Every year, more than 1.5 million women and 834,700 men are physically assaulted and/or raped by their intimate partner in the United States.

The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention (CDC) reports homicide is a leading cause of traumatic death among new and expectant mothers, with higher risks for black women and those under age 20. For more information on pregnancy and domestic violence in Utah, please click here.

To view the Prams Perspectives: a Pregnancy Risk Assessment Monitoring System Report February, 2006, please click here.

Types of Domestic Violence
Physical
Any forceful, physical behavior, which may include:
Pushing, slapping, hitting, shoving, biting, punching, kicking, or strangulation
Assault with a weapon
Holding, tying down, or restraining
Leaving partner in a dangerous place
Refusing to obtain medical help when partner is sick or injured
Restricting sleep or access to food and/or water

Psychological
Any verbal/nonverbal form of communication used to control a partner which may include:
Threats of harm or suicide
Physical and social isolation
Extreme jealousy and possessiveness
Intimidation
Degradation and humiliation
Name-calling and constant criticism, insults, and belittlement
False accusations and blame
Ignoring, dismissing, or ridiculing needs
Lying, breaking promises, and destroying trust
Driving fast and recklessly to frighten and intimidate
Restricting access to financial resources such as checkbook, money, car keys etc.

Sexual
Any form of forced sex or sexual degradation, which may include:
Forcing sexual behaviors when partner is particularly vulnerable (e.g. asleep, drunk, intoxicated, not fully conscious, or afraid to say no)
Physically hurting partner during sex or assaulting partner’s genitals
Criticizing or calling partner sexually degrading names
Treating partner as a sex object
Making partner perform sexual acts against his/her will
Limiting access to contraceptives
Forcing partner to watch or witness sexual acts performed by other (Fairview Health Services, 1995)

Risk FactorsWoman at highest risk for domestic violence include those who:

are between the ages of 19 and 29;
have an annual family income below $10,000;
are with a partner who abuses alcohol or drugs;
have a history of family violence that may include being a victim of child abuse or witnessing the abuse of a parent or family member.

In Utah, 1 in 5 children will hear or see verbal abuse and 1 in 14 children will see or hear physical abuse. Each year more than 10 million American children witness intimate partner violence within their families. Witnessing family violence is stressful to children and is a risk factor for long-term physical and mental health problems.

Please contact us for more information.

How To Be Miserable

2008-12-08T15:25:00.000-08:00

I found this lesson on one of the awesome blogs I visit and she gave me persmission to pass this along and "make the world a less miserable place."

Daily, constantly, we choose by our desires, our thoughts, and our actions whether we want to be blessed or cursed, happy or miserable. ~Ezra Taft Benson

How to be Miserable...

1. Believe That Things Will Never Change
Change the way you look at things, and the things you look at change. ~Norman Vincent Peale

Tough times never last, but tough people do! ~Robert Schuller

2. Think About Your Problems
Everyone can be discontented if he ignores his blessings and looks only at his burdens. ~Thomas S. Monson

3. Worry About Things You Can't Control
He who worries about calamities suffers them twice over. ~Og Mandino

4. Complain About Your Blessings
I complained because I had no shoes until I saw a man who had no feet. ~Sign in a shoe shop

5. Think About Yourself
Generally speaking, the most miserable people I know are those who are obsessed with themselves: the happiest people I know are those who lose themselves in the service of others. ~Gordon B. Hinckley

6. Put Yourself Down (and/or Compare Yourself To Others "Better Off")
Our doubts are traitors, And make us lose the good we oft might win... ~William Shakespeare

7. Hold Onto Grudges
There is no peace in the nursing of a grudge. There is no happiness in living for the day when you can "get even." ~Gordon B. Hinckley

8. Put Deadlines On Your Happiness (i.e. "I won't be happy until __________ happens.")
Happiness is a decision, not a destination. It's and attitude, not an event! ~John Bytheway

9. Always Want More
Remember that in the end, surely God will be looking only for clean hands, not full ones. ~Jeffrey R. Holland

10. Postpone Prayer
Ask and it shall be given you; seek, and ye shall find; knock, and it shall be opened unto you. ~Matthew 7:7

11. Recycle Regrets
The past is behind; learn from it. The future is ahead; prepare for it. The present is here; live in it! ~Thomas S. Monson

Helpful Information

2008-11-29T08:43:00.000-08:00

Here is a great link with articles on all kinds of topics like abuse, adoption, anger management, adversity and anxiety.

http://www.providentliving.org/ses/emotionalhealth/0,12283,2130-1,00.html

Rejoice

2008-11-16T16:25:00.000-08:00

Living by the scriptures
Published: Saturday, Nov. 15, 2008
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"Beloved, think it strange concerning the fiery trial which is to try you, as though some strange thing happened unto you; But rejoice, inasmuch as ye are partakers of Christ's sufferings; that, when his glory shall be revealed, ye may be glad also with exceeding joy." — 1 Peter 4:12-13

There was a certain time and place in my life when my circumstances were very dark and confusing. I felt like a train had run over me. My spirit was crushed. I clung to the gospel doctrine I had been taught as a child by goodly parents. I clung to my baptismal and temple covenants. I believed in the things that I knew were true. I read the scriptures and my patriarchal blessing often. However, I continued to feel like I was dying inside. My pain was exquisite. I sought out direction and blessings from my priesthood leaders. The Lord protected me in His tender mercy. I was suffering from a situational depression although I didn't know it at the time.

Miraculously and eventually, I received some professional help I could trust. I looked to the example of the Savior to deal with my problems. Personal prayer and scripture study brought a measure of comfort, knowledge and revelation.

One day I read 1 Peter 4:12-13 and it touched my heart and mind deeply. I knew the Lord was talking to me.

My fiery trial gave me a broken heart. It brought me to the Savior and His sufferings for me and all mankind. I know Christ's Gospel and Church, even The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, has been restored through the prophet Joseph Smith to show us the way back to our heavenly home. I'm thankful for a living prophet on the earth today. This knowledge brings me peace, true happiness and hope. I am grateful for my daily breath. I love life and learning. I'm thankful for dear friends who have helped me along the way. I am grateful for my beloved husband and our six precious children. They are so good to me.

I testify our loving Heavenly Father takes care of us, His children, in our mortal family situations as we strive to live faithfully in building up His kingdom here on earth. I love my Redeemer. He is with us in our big and little trials. Through the power of the Atonement, I was and am and will be forever safe in the arms of His love. We can look forward to the Second Coming of Christ when His glory shall be revealed.

We will wet His feet with our tears and be glad also with exceeding joy.
— Patricia Paulsen Riggs, Sego Lily Ward, Granite Utah South Stake
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Happiness Is a Journey

2008-10-18T09:00:00.000-07:00

Happiness Is A Journey...
by Father Alfred D'Souza

Happiness is a journey, not a destination. Dance as though no one is watching you. Love as though you have never been hurt before. Sing as though no one can hear you. Live as though heaven is on earth.

Full text:For a long time is seemed to me that life was about to begin -- real life. But there was always some obstacle in the way, something to be gotten through first, some unfinished business, time still to be served, a debt to be paid. At last it dawned on me that these obstacles were my life. This perspective has helped me to see there is no way to happiness. Happiness is the way. So treasure every moment you have and remember that time waits for no one. Happiness is a journey, not a destination

Walking Around In a Fog?

2008-10-08T18:09:00.000-07:00

Could it be adult ADD/ADHD? Recently I have learned a lot more about adult attention deficit disorder. Here is some information that may be helpful if you are feeling distracted, disorganized, or life seems chaotic.

Wikipedia
Quiz of symptoms
Adult ADD website excerpt...Adult ADD is the name given to a variety of syndromes in which psychological functions such as attention, planning, concentration, managing time and tasks, maintaining focus, and making thoughtful decisions are impaired, and no other condition can be found to explain the impairments. Affected individuals have serious problems in one or more of the following areas:
screening out distractions
starting and completing tasks
remembering and organizing information and belongings
being on time
keeping priorities in order

Individuals with the disorder can get lost doing unimportant activities, heedless of more important jobs that need to be done. At times, they may have difficulty with their short term memory. They may not fulfill their obligations until the last moment or complete a task only when they feel an external pressure to do so.

Symptoms are particularly burdensome to those whose work involves deadlines and/or organizing and recalling complex information.

The disorder can be frustrating to family members and co-workers, who may mistakenly see the problem as one of laziness or irresponsibility.People suffering from ADD often feel unfairly nagged by those around them and sometimes become defiant when confronted with their performance problems. Their underachievement often leads to reduced self-esteem, depression and anxiety. Some undertake psychotherapy to deal with interpersonal conflicts that are caused by the disorder or to gain control over their seeming negligence.

Helpful Ensign Article

2008-10-04T18:11:00.000-07:00

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=610fbf9cd2f0c110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

One Great Step!

2008-09-20T21:18:00.000-07:00

I am for the first time in my life officially "in recovery." For me this is a great accomplishment which one will not understand unless they have been through the process of counseling. Last week was my last appointment with my counselor and I feel like it is onward and upward to a new chapter of life. I have learned so many lessons I wish I could share with others. But, sadly, I have learned over the years since I have been in therapy...15 years to be exact...that no one likes to talk about "it." So for those of you out there who read this I hope the blog helps. Here are some of the things I have learned:

God loves you and me
He is there, He does listen
There is hope always
There are gray areas in life...not everything is black and white
It is possible to overcome trauma from the past
The atonement was not just for sin, the more I learn about Him the more whole I feel
Change of thought, leads to change of action which leads to change of character
In the end no one in this life is your judge...it is you and your maker
Be gentle with yourself, forgive freely
There is no need to hold onto hurt or anger, it is poison to the soul
Anger is a secondary emotion to fear or hurt
Take time for yourself, nurture
Develop those talents and interests you have
Withhold judgements. No one sees the whole picture or the heart of a soul
This life is very short in the grand scheme of things, savor every moment
Without charity we are nothing
You are NEVER, EVER alone
Smile, square up your shoulders and do what has to be done
The only way around your problems is to work straight through them
Feelings buried alive never die
Sometimes it will feel like one step forward two steps back
Don't be afraid to start over!
The process to becoming a better person is never over, it is lifelong
Have a good support system and don't forget to pray
Christ can heal broken hearts and HE WILL!
Let his love heal you
Never be ahamed of who you are. He made you who you are for a reason

Great Find

2008-09-11T20:15:00.001-07:00

I found this website tonight...it is a great one!

http://www.ldsdepression.com/sign_of_depression.html

The 12 Steps

2008-08-15T14:39:00.000-07:00

1. We admitted that we were powerless over compulsive/addictive behaviors- that our lives had become unmanageable.

2. We came to believe that a power greater than ourselves could restore us to sanity.

3. We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understand Him.

4. We made a searching and fearless moral inventory of ourselves.

6. We were entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character.

7. We humbly asked Him to remove our shortcomings.

8. We made a list of all persons we had harmed, and became willing to make amends to them all.

9. We made direct amends to such people wherever possible, except when to do so would injure them or others.

10. We continued to take personal inventory, and when we were wrong promptly admitted it.

11. We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God, praying only for knowledge of His will for us, and the power to carry that out.

12. Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these steps, we tried to carry this message to others still suffering from the effects of compulsive behaviors, and to practice these principles in all our affairs.*

*The Twelve Steps are reprinted and adapted with permission of Alcoholics Anonymous World Services, Inc. (A.A.W.S.)

See the site: 12 Steps

I just found this workbook now available online. It is an excellent resource for anyone overcoming any addictive behavior.

Food for Mood

2008-07-11T08:00:00.000-07:00

Avoid brain drain with memory-boosting foods: Improve your mental health with common fruits, vegetables --I don't agree with the coffee part! But, the rest is interesting...

Feeding the Body and Soul

2008-04-23T07:45:00.000-07:00

As I have learned more about how our bodies work I have been amazed at the link between the way body and spirit are connected. Over the years several ideas have passed been on about how simple changes in diet can make a huge difference on the way you physically and emotionally feel. Many of my friends and family are affected by chronic illness and food allergies so I wanted to post some of the suggestions. I would love any other input from others as well!

Stick to whole foods as much as possible. Some people step up to organic. The less in the list of ingredients the better. Fresh fruits and veggies can improve a lot of things.

Drink lots of water each day 64 oz. is recommended. If you can't tolerate the taste plain water try adding some fresh lemon or lime and ice. I really like Vitamin water by Glaceau.

Several nutrition stores like GNC sell protein powders. Locally there are a variety available at Vitality in Bountiful. I have heard many people have success with a line of products called Reliv.

Boost and ensure are a great pick me up for those who are ill and can't tolerate anything but a liquid diet. My husband Todd used them a lot when he worked a the Veterans Hospital. They sell diabetic versions by the case at Costco called "Glucerna." Serve them chilled or on ice. If these are too thick try Carnation Instant Breakfast or Boost Breeze flavored waters.

Protein bars are also available at Costco and at the supermarket like Power bars or tiger bars. There are many varieties out there but be sure to check fiber and protein content.

Nuts are an excellent source or protein and good fat. Try almonds, cashews or soy nuts.
Cheese sticks and yogurt are also good for protein. I have heard Activia improve digestion.

Try yogurt drinks like Yoplait or Frusion.

Peanut butter and beans are another great source of protein which goes straight to the heart and brain. Try peanut butter with fresh fruit.

Add dried milk to casseroles etc. if you are trying to put on weight.

Add dried fruit to high fiber cereals.

Try juicing or smoothies. It is a yummy way to have homemade Jamba Juices and get exactly what you need. Fresh ginger in drinks really helped my morning sickness.

Here are some over the counter suggestions which have been approved as safe by physicians:

Sleep Issues/ Insomnia: Melatonin, Chamomile or Sleepy Time Herbal Tea

Anxiety: Gaba Calm

Moodiness: B-6, B-12

Depression: Omega 3 Fish oil gels

To help in Feeding your Spirit here are some great articles:

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=3ad74eac7a31c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=32c41b08f338c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=73ec12ca67c20110VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1
http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=f318118dd536c010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=f92888f17feae010VgnVCM100000176f620a____&hideNav=1

http://www.lds.org/ldsorg/v/index.jsp?vgnextoid=2354fccf2b7db010VgnVCM1000004d82620aRCRD&locale=0&sourceId=4054605ff590c010VgnVCM1000004d82620a____&hideNav=1

Never underestimate the power of prayer, sunshine and laughter in healing. Sometimes standing up tall and smiling can help improve the hardest day!

(Thanks Joan and Kathy for all you have taught me)

Elder Scott blasts abuse and offers hope

2008-04-06T10:30:00.000-07:00

Elder Scott blasts abuse, offers hope
By Carrie A. Moore and Twila Van LeerDeseret Morning News
Published: Sunday, April 6, 2008 12:56 a.m. MDT

In an unusually frank public sermon on a sensitive topic, Elder Richard G. Scott told Latter-day Saints during the faith's general conference on Saturday that God knows the details of each act of verbal, emotional, physical or sexual abuse and will help victims while holding abusers accountable.

"The rising tide of this vicious, abominable sin may not have touched your life personally. Yet it is pervasive enough in the world that it may have touched someone you love," said Elder Scott, a member of the Quorum of the Twelve. "It frequently causes such profound suffering — that can be overcome — that I want to speak of how healing can be attained."

To abusers, he said: "You likely have deceived yourself in the false, temporary security that you have successfully hidden your transgression from the civil or church authorities. But know that the Lord Jesus Christ is completely aware of your sins. Know that sometime, even without action by the victim, your acts of abuse will be publicly know, for Satan will expose you and abandon you."

He urged those who have abused others to "recognize that you need help with your addiction or it will destroy you. You will not overcome it by yourself. You likely need specialized professional help. I plead with you to be rescued now," he said, with a recognition that forgiveness is possible with complete repentance through Christ's atonement.

Such action "affords the perpetrator a way to avoid the severe punishment the Lord has decreed for such acts."

Seeking to provide hope and direction to those who have been victimized by abuse, Elder Scott said he knows victims "who have successfully made the difficult journey to full healing through the power of the atonement," including a woman who had been severely abused by her father as a child.
She then brought her father to see Elder Scott, telling him she loved her father but that he remained concerned about his abusive actions toward her. "They are no longer a problem for me. Could you help him?" she asked.

"If you are currently being abused or have been in the past, find the courage to seek help. You may have been severely threatened or caused to fear so that you would not reveal the abuse. Have the courage to act now. Seek the support of someone you can trust," including a bishop or stake president. "Do not fear," he said, "for fear is a tool Satan will use to keep you suffering. The Lord will help you, but you must reach out for that help."
He urged victims not to be discouraged in seeking help, or to believe there is no solution to their suffering.

"Do not let Satan convince you that you are beyond help.... You must have faith that all of these negative outcomes can be resolved, otherwise they will keep you from full recovery. While these consequences have powerful influence in your life, they do not define the real you," he said.
"Predators are skillful at cultivating a public appearance of piety to mask their despicable acts.
Pray to be guided in your efforts to receive help. That support will come.
"Rest assured that the perfect judge, Jesus the Christ, with a perfect knowledge of the details, will hold all abusers accountable for every unrighteous act. In time, He will fully apply the required demands of justice unless there is complete repentance."
E-mail: carrie@desnews.com; twila@desnews.com

Happy Easter

2008-03-23T19:59:00.000-07:00

Because of Christ's life and atonement we can be happy and we will be healed. I know He lives and loves each of us personally. He has carried each burden we feel and He will comfort you.

I love this new website...

http://jesuschrist.lds.org/SonOfGod/eng/?cid=wpats1

Summer Institute in Human Services

2008-03-18T08:38:00.001-07:00

Every summer my mom and I attend the Summer Institute classes in Social Work at the U. I have really learned a lot over the years attending and they are great for continuing ed hours. Here is the online catalog for this year's classes.

http://www.socwk.utah.edu/pace/

Stake Enrichment Meeting

2008-02-23T15:38:00.001-08:00

Last Saturday our Stake Relief Society had an enrichment activity about being a balanced woman. Sister Cheiko Okazaki was among the speakers. Thanks to Candie and Darcie for forwarding me their notes as I had to leave early. Hope they help you as they did me!

Emotional Wellness
LDS Family Services – Presenting Speaker – Suzette Fritinger

Balancing our lives (physically, emotionally and spiritually) is a DAILY effort. Our feelings are a psychological manifestation of our surroundings and what is happening at that moment.
Emotion gives us balance. Good things = good emotions. Sad things = sad emotions and so on. When we are out of balance is when addictions may occur and there is help at LDS family services for all kinds of addictions.

There are 8 Key myths to make you aware of.

Myth #1 – I Should be happy all of the time. If you are happy all of the time – then you need some therapy! No one is happy all the time. Life is full of trials and events making this impossible. It ebbs and flows.
Myth #2 – I should be perfectly happy and in love all throughout my marriage. This certainly is not the case – no marriage is. You grow together through the good and the bad.
Myth #3 – I should love my children all the time.
Myth #4 – My testimony should never waiver if I am a good LDS woman. Truth is – your testimony is challenged and strengthened all the time through every life event and every day to day experiences. The goal is to stay close to the gospel, not shy away from it. It will make you stringer and your testimony stronger. Do not give up on the gospel.
Myth #5 – For single, older single, divorced or widowed sisters - I should lower my standards in order to be married. No Way! You worked too hard to set your very high standards. Look for someone to be at your level or higher!
Myth #6 – I should be happy now that all my kids are grown and I finally have the time to do the things I didn’t have time for before. – Empty nesting is hard emotionally.
Myth #7 – I should just hurry and get over the loss/death of a loved one. Take whatever time you need. Every person is different.
Myth #8 – I am being punished or cursed by God for having a same sex attraction. I don’t know what’s wrong with me. It is not a curse or punishment. So many live with this and there is help available.

Our feelings can deceive us. We can turn to a place of hope – the church offers this through Christ’s Atonement. This is the only true way to be healed. His atonement can heal anger, anxiety, emotional problems – but you must pray for the enabling and power of the atonement for this healing. There are tools such as counseling that have been set up to assist us in our efforts.

Stress, Anxiety and depression are not bad things. Feeling bad is a warning sign to us that something is not right. We have to learn to respond to these signals and warnings in a responsible and appropriate manner.

We need to loose ourselves in the service of others, but not to the point that we take on too much. Diet & exercise and taking better care of ourselves can make a huge difference in our outlook and healing. Make sure to take breaks and time for yourself. Try something new – a hairstyle, clothes a new pair of shoes or change around the furniture in your home or organize some clutter.

KEEP A GRATITUDE JOURNAL! This is key to seeing that even through the worst of times, if you focus on the things you are most grateful for – it helps. Keep close to the Lord though prayer, scripture study, temple attendance, fasting and going to church meetings and fulfilling your callings. This will help you grasp onto a spiritual perspective and how to deal with life and get through the tough times.

Heavenly Father knows each one of us!

Spiritual Wellness
Sister Chieko Okazaki

She LOVES to read Robert Kirby in the Tribune. He knows how to lighten things up, even in the gospel. (I pulled this off the internet)
"I went to Relief Society last week. Although this wasn't a sin, I was supposed to be in High Priest Group where guys my age belong. For you non-Mormons, Relief Society is the LDS Church's organization for women. I happen to believe the church couldn't exist without it.
Some people think the priesthood is the most essential part of our church. But I've been a Mormon my whole life and I know who does all the work.
Anyway, for some reason I decided it was a complete waste of time to put on my good pants just for High Priests. I can stay home and listen to hound dogs snore.
Even without the priesthood, the women of the Rosecrest 1st Ward caught on right away that something was amiss. I stood out like Wilford Brimley in a beauty pageant, a mule among deer.
It made them nervous. One or two women offered to show me to priesthood meeting. Several asked if I was lost, a rather pointless question considering to whom it was directed. "Robert, what are you doing in here?" the bishop's wife finally demanded.
I said that I just wanted to see how the other half lived, that I'd heard the lessons were grippers, and, more to the point, there might be snacks. Actually, I said that Heavenly Father told me to be there. As explanations go, this one is quite handy. They can't prove that he didn't.
I stayed for the entire bit. Here's my report:
Thanks to folding chairs, I come out of High Priests (when I do go) numb at both ends. Relief Society is the only room in a Mormon church where the chairs are padded.
It smells better. High Priests smell like Preparation H and dry scalp. But I'll bet half of any blessings I've got coming that someone in Relief Society was wearing White Shoulders.
The music is angelic. It helps that Relief Society had someone who plays the piano. But it wouldn't matter if we had a band, priesthood bearers in the Rosecrest 1st Ward sing like oxen held at gunpoint.
The lesson was clearly prepared. By this I mean that some thought went into it, the teacher stayed on track and no one - not even once - drew a corollary between the gospel of Jesus Christ and the NFL.
The downside? No snacks. Kids yodeled in the background. A bit formal. And unlike priesthood meeting, no one offered a counterpoint, such as "You're full of crap, Bill," to any part of the discussion.
It was good. I'll probably go back. "

She talked about President Monson’s picture of Christ that has hung in his office as it always has since he was called to church service. It hangs there and when he sits down at his desk, he notices it every time. When he is faced with a tough decision or question, he looks to this picture and asks “What would Christ do?”

Good works = good work.
Good Works is not the same as busy work
The Lord has given us clues
Temple and missionary wok vs. joyfulness of the heart

First with GOOD WORKS – you must set priorities and make good choices. Read the Book of Mormon. Hold fast to the iron rod – scriptures.

President Monson in the Leadership Training last Saturday said “Let our homes be filled with love & respect for each member of our family – so much that it will spill out of our homes and into our neighborhoods.

The most very important things we can do to help gain spiritual wellness is…
Partaking of the Sacrament every week. It cleanses the soul and brings us closer to Heavenly Father and Christ.
Pay a full and honest Tithe
Keep our Temple Covenants
Accept the Atonement and let it help us
Make these things a PRIORITY! Our relationships with God and our family are first and foremost the most important things!

Scripture references:
2 Corrinthians 9:8 – And God is able to make all grace abound toward you; that ye, always having all sufficiency in all things, may abound to every good work:
Mosiah 5:5 - And we are willing to enter into a covenant with our God to do his will, and to be obedient to his commandments in all things that he shall command us, all the remainder of our days, that we may not bring upon ourselves a never-ending torment, as has been spoken by the angel, that we may not drink out of the cup of the wrath of God.
Alma 37: 33-34 – Preach unto them repentance, and faith on the Lord Jesus Christ; teach them to humble themselves and to be meek and lowly in heart; teach them to withstand every temptation of the devil, with their faith on the Lord Jesus Christ. Teach them to never be weary of good works, but to be meek and lowly in heart; for such shall find rest to their souls.

CLUES
Remember your seasons! Lighten Up! Good works do good work. They lead others to Heavenly Father. Get some stars in your eyes. She read a tribute from Daniel Shatts regarding his wife. She wanted so much to have lots and lots of money so that she could help so many people. But, she married a teacher – so funds were quite limited. She did, however, have a running list of doing a simple service for a different person every day. This proved to be incredibly fulfilling for her and helped countless people. So, even though she didn’t have endless supply of money, she had charity and her heart was full of joy and she got stars in her eyes by helping people. Even the little things count!

Finding delight in Good Works
This is most important. Your heart has to be in it, or it won’t matter to you. This will help you to continually connect to Heavenly Father and Jesus as you delight in Good Works.

Scripture references:
Job 22:26 – For then shalt thou have thy delight in the Almighty, and shalt lift up thy face unto God.
Psalms 48 – 1. Great is the Lord, and greatly to be praised in the city of our God, in the mountain of his holiness.
2 Beautiful for situation, the joy of the whole earth, is mount Zion, on the sides of the north, the city of the great King.
3 God is known in her palaces for a refuge.
4 For, lo, the kings were assembled, they passed by together.
5 They saw it, and so they marvelled; they were troubled, and hasted away.
6 Fear took hold upon them there, and pain, as of a woman in travail.
7 Thou breakest the ships of Tarshish with an east wind.
8 As we have heard, so have we seen in the city of the Lord of hosts, in the city of our God: God will establish it for ever. Selah.
9 We have thought of thy lovingkindness, O God, in the midst of thy temple.
10 According to thy name, O God, so is thy praise unto the ends of the earth: thy right hand is full of righteousness.
11 Let mount Zion rejoice, let the daughters of Judah be glad, because of thy judgments.
12 Walk about Zion, and go round about her: tell the towers thereof.
13 Mark ye well her bulwarks, consider her palaces; that ye may tell it to the generation following.
14 For this God is our God for ever and ever: he will be our guide even unto death.
Jacob 2:28 – For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
D&C 25:14 – Continue in the spirit of meekness, and beware of pride. Let thy soul delight in thy husband, and the glory which shall come upon him.
D&C 41:1 – HEARKEN and hear, O ye my people, saith the Lord and your God, ye whom I delight to bless with the greatest of all blessings, ye that hear me; and ye that hear me not will I curse that have professed my name, with the heaviest of all cursings.
D&C 76: 5-7 - For thus saith the Lord—I, the Lord, am merciful and gracious unto those who fear me, and delight to honor those who serve me in righteousness and in truth unto the end. Great shall be their reward and eternal shall be their glory. And to them will I reveal all mysteries, yea, all the hidden mysteries of my kingdom from days of old, and for ages to come, will I make known unto them the good pleasure of my will concerning all things pertaining to my kingdom.

Wholesome & virtuous relationships & friendships can exist between men and women. Chastity is so important in our spiritual balance. There is so much innuendo and vulgarity to cloud our judgments – if we stay true and keep our temple covenants, these things won’t even be able to tempt us. Delight in you marriages. Delight in your relationship with your spouse. Remember that it is through them we will be exalted.

Be a good example in your homes. If you are bad to each other or do not keep the commandments, then your children will look to you and see that you have wavered and will see that as an excuse for them too to fall away.

She told a story about a woman in her church callings to be a pillar of strength in her ward. She was firm and steadfast, and a little hard and bossy. She also saw there was room for pillows of strength in the church. She was able to be a good and faithful, strong member with a softer side (allowing her to love those she taught and be kind and gentle). There is room for each person to be both a pillar and a pillow of strength in he church.

What is anxiety?

2008-02-09T10:30:00.000-08:00

Recently I went to a night devoted to mental health and was surprised that many of the women present did not know what anxiety was. I found these resources to explain it. It is present in many of my family members.

My first experience with panic attacks was while I was serving a full-time mission in Santiago, Chile. My mother had suffered a heart attack right after I left and she underwent open heart surgery. When I started having heart palpitations, and a racing heart I thought I was next. I was treated for generalized anxiety disorder and they found I had trauma related symptoms. Interestingly, a few years ago I was treated for hypothyroidism and the synthroid medication mimicked many of the same symptoms.

Anxiety is a feeling of nervousness, apprehension, fear, or worry. Some fears and worries are justified, such as worry about a loved one or in anticipation of taking a quiz, test, or other examination. Problem anxiety interferes with the sufferer's ability to sleep or otherwise function.

Problem anxiety may be caused by a mental condition, a physical condition, the effects of drugs, or from a combination of these. The doctor's initial task is to see if your anxiety is caused by a medical condition. Conditions as varied as anemia, asthma attack, infection, drug intoxication or withdrawal, or a number of heart conditions are just a few examples of medical problems that can be associated with anxiety.

Generalized anxiety disorder: excessive, unrealistic, and difficult to control worry over a period of at least six months. It's associated with three of the following:

Restlessness
Easily tired
Trouble concentrating
Irritability
Muscle tension

http://www.emedicinehealth.com/anxiety/page3_em.htm
Sleep problems

Great New Resource

2008-01-26T07:19:00.000-08:00

I was refreshed to find that the LDS church has recently released a new website focusing on helping and supporting those with diabilities. There is a section on mental illness and I found these points important to remember:

There are many kinds of mental illnesses. These illnesses affect the way the brain functions. They can affect thoughts, behaviors, emotions, and the ability to understand information. Mental illnesses are different from everyday experiences we may have with sadness, feeling upset, or daily problems. Mental illness makes normal living difficult.
Some mental illnesses are very severe and disabling. They may be lifelong illnesses that can be improved but not cured. Some are less severe and are more easily treated or cured. Only a trained professional should make a diagnosis of mental illness. It is often difficult for others to tell the difference between human struggles or behavior problems and mental illnesses.

Understanding Mental Illness
Mental illness is often poorly understood. This keeps many people from seeking help and receiving treatment. It may be difficult for people with mental illness to talk about it and get support and understanding from others. When others respond with compassion, it can help the person feel more comfortable. The causes of these illnesses are complex. They are usually the result of problems in brain functioning, genetic vulnerability, trauma, chronic thinking patterns, or other emotionally difficult experiences. Sometimes people with mental illness may develop an addiction. People with mental illnesses cannot just will themselves to get better. Blaming the person or others for the illness is harmful.

WAYS TO HELP:
Treat the person with understanding and compassion. Reassure the person that Heavenly Father loves him or her.
Remember that mental illness is not a punishment from God.
Realize that a mental illness cannot be overcome by willpower alone. It does not indicate that a person lacks faith, character, or worthiness.
Help the person develop confidence through knowing God supports his or her efforts to cope and build strengths.
Use uplifting music to reduce stress and be a soothing comfort.
Focus on strengths. Design activities that are within individuals’ abilities so they can feel success.
If members are too ill to attend meetings and activities, include them by making home visits, taping lessons, or bringing them handouts.
Let individuals participate in making decisions about what they can handle. For example, if a person has panic attacks when speaking in public, let him or her contribute in a way that is less frightening.

For the full entry see:

http://disability.lds.org/disability/eng/disability-list/mental-illness

Great Book

2008-01-06T18:56:00.000-08:00

I just finished reading one of the books I received for Christmas "When Your Prayers Seem Unanswered" by S. Micheal Wilcox. It's a short read and a very good one. I especially liked the last pages that summed up all of the principles taught. These are the ones that I seem to need to learn over and over and I am just now starting to get. Thank Heavenly Father for repetition in our life experiences!

" If you are like me, I usually want the desirable blessing to be just a few feet ahead of me on the path. However, sometimes the Lord has to give a pair of binoculars and say, Well it's on the path, but it's in the distance there. Then I must be patient, confident that if I'll just walk the path, all will, in due time, be well.

May we walk that path, trusting that every desire of our hearts that truly brings happiness, will be there. May God bless us in our fourth watches. MAY OUR SHIPS BE TIGHT LIKE A DISH. May we have the patience to wait for life, measured by the wisdom of God, to carve the holding places in our hearts. May we remember that God does not give stones or serpents, e only gives bread and fish. May we understand all the things God gives are good, AND EVEN THE NEGATIVE ONES HE CAN MAKE GOOD. May we respond to his nourishing and bring forth good fruit in spite of the soil in which we have been planted. may we TRUST that the Lord himself will in time wipe away all tears. May God's burning fire give us warmth, light and cleansing. And may the Lord bless us as we walk in the path of happiness." p.61

Where Can I Turn For Peace?

2007-11-28T13:07:00.000-08:00

Sunday I was asked to share one of my favorite hymns. I chose Hymn 129 "Where Can I Turn For Peace" as I learned of its origin and history last year.

Where Can I turn for peace,
Where is my solace when other sources cease to make me whole.
When with a wounded heart, anger, or malice,
I draw myself apart, searching my soul
Where, when my aching grows,
Where when I languish,
Where, in my need to know, where can I run?
Where is the quiet hand to calm my anguish?
Who, who can understand
He, only One.

He answers privately,
Reaches my reaching,
In my Gethsemane,
Savior and Friend
Gentle the peace he finds
for my beseeching.
Constant he is and kind
Love without end.

Our Latter Day Hymns: The Stories and the Messagesby Karen Lynn Davidson
LDS Hymnal, Pocket Styleby Church Distribution
Hymn 129, Where Can I Turn for Peace?
Text: Emma Lou Thayne (b. 1924; LDS) Music: Joleen G. Meredith (b. 1935; LDS) Tune name: GRANT

"Who of us has not had Gethsemane times?" asked Emma Lou Thayne, author of this hymn. "And how often has each of us reached for the calm and the kindness that only the Savior can offer?" The honest and touching words of this hymn can help in difficult moments--first, because they help us realize that all men and women experience such moments, and second, because they remind us of the ultimate source of comfort and solace.

In 1971 the author and the composer, then members of the Young Women's Mutual Improvement Association General Board, were asked to write a musical number for a Laurel conference. Emma Lou Thayne telephoned Joleen Meredith to discuss the assignment.
Joleen Meredith continued the story: "I happened to be in the music room of our home at the time. Sister Thayne said she had been thinking of a message of hope and peace as the hymn's theme. As she began to relate some of the beginning lyrics, I stepped to the piano (I had a long telephone cord) and said, 'Sounds good--the music should go something like this . . .' She said 'good,' and gave me another line. I responded with additional measures of music. Before the conversation ended, we had mostly 'roughed in' the basic hymn. We have lovingly spoken of this number as the 'telephone hymn' throughout the years."

The text had a deep personal meaning for author Emma Lou Thayne. "The words to the hymn came for me out of a troubled time for our family," she reported. "We had one daughter ill; I was facing a spinal fusion and interruption of teaching mid-quarter at the University of Utah; my husband was about to become bishop of a student ward; and four daughters were under the age of seventeen with busy lives. 'Pray at night, plan in the morning' had been the byword of our family; now it became 'Pray all the time.'

"It is ironic," she continued, "that the publishing and singing of this hymn happened in this particular year [1985] when hearing it and its long-ago but still-vital-to-me message has lent solace to a new time of personal trial. Five months ago a crowbar flew off the freeway and through my windshield to fracture eight bones in my face, barely missing my right eye. In this time, when reading and writing have not been part of my life, I have come to hear some inner music that is often prompted by the very searching that this hymn talks of. I am grateful for the unbelievably timely resurrection of the song that has helped so much in my own recent resurrection, a resurrection of what I might never have known without the trial and without the granted grace of the impulse to reach."

Jolene Meredith has dealt with mental illness for 48 years. She is currently a member of the Utah State Board of Substance Abuse and Mental Health and also co-authored the LDS hymn Where Can I Turn for Peace. see more at: http://www.byub.org/livingessentials/shows/27.asp

See Emma Lou Thayne's story about her daughter with an eating disorder and bi-polar depression in her book "Hope and Recovery" at: http://books.google.com/books?id=PQUoEC-NfmQC&dq=Emma+Lou+Thayne&prev=http://www.google.com/search%3Fsourceid%3Dnavclient%26ie%3DUTF-8%26rlz%3D1T4TSHB_enUS239US239%26q%3Demma%2Blou%2Bthayne&sa=X&oi=print&ct=result&cd=1&cad=author-navigational

Answers to those questions...

2007-11-13T11:05:00.000-08:00

Does God Care About My Suffering? http://w ww.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/exhibit#Sandy_adversity

Why do we have trials? http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/exhibit#Sandy_trials

Does life have to be painful? http://www.mormon.org/mormonorg/eng/exhibit#Doug_trials

Oh Remember, Remember by Elder Eyring

2007-11-02T09:26:00.000-07:00

There are a few tried and true things that always cheer me up. One of these is the BYU channel. This Sunday I turned it on and found a re-broadcast of the LDS General Conference October 2007. This talk stuck out as a tool for overcoming dicouragement daily by remembering the hand of the Lord in our lives. Here are some excerpts...

"My point is to urge you to find ways to recognize and remember God’s kindness. It will build our testimonies. You may not keep a journal. You may not share whatever record you keep with those you love and serve. But you and they will be blessed as you remember what the Lord has done. You remember that song we sometimes sing: “Count your many blessings; name them one by one, And it will surprise you what the Lord has done.”2

It won’t be easy to remember. Living as we do with a veil over our eyes, we cannot remember what it was like to be with our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son, Jesus Christ, in the premortal world; nor can we see with our physical eyes or with reason alone the hand of God in our lives. Seeing such things takes the Holy Ghost...Here is the promise. It was fulfilled for them then. It can be fulfilled for all of us now:
“These things have I spoken unto you, being yet present with you.
“But the Comforter, which is the Holy Ghost, whom the Father will send in my name, he shall teach you all things, and bring all things to your remembrance, whatsoever I have said unto you.”5

The key to the remembering that brings and maintains testimony is receiving the Holy Ghost as a companion. It is the Holy Ghost who helps us see what God has done for us. It is the Holy Ghost who can help those we serve to see what God has done for them.
Heavenly Father has given a simple pattern for us to receive the Holy Ghost not once but continually in the tumult of our daily lives. The pattern is repeated in the sacramental prayer: We promise that we will always remember the Savior. We promise to take His name upon us. We promise to keep His commandments. And we are promised that if we do that, we will have His Spirit to be with us.6 Those promises work together in a wonderful way to strengthen our testimonies and in time, through the Atonement, to change our natures as we keep our part of the promise.

It is the Holy Ghost who testifies that Jesus Christ is the Beloved Son of a Heavenly Father who loves us and wants us to have eternal life with Him in families. With even the beginning of that testimony, we feel a desire to serve Him and to keep His commandments. When we persist in doing that, we receive the gifts of the Holy Ghost to give us power in our service. We come to see the hand of God more clearly, so clearly that in time we not only remember Him, but we come to love Him and, through the power of the Atonement, become more like Him.
You might ask, “But how does this process get started in someone who knows nothing about God and claims no memory of spiritual experiences at all?” Everyone has had spiritual experiences that they may not have recognized. Every person, upon entering the world, is given the Spirit of Christ. How that spirit works is described in the book of Moroni:

“For behold, the Spirit of Christ is given to every man, that he may know good from evil; wherefore, I show unto you the way to judge; for every thing which inviteth to do good, and to persuade to believe in Christ, is sent forth by the power and gift of Christ; wherefore ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of God.
“But whatsoever thing persuadeth men to do evil, and believe not in Christ, and deny him, and serve not God, then ye may know with a perfect knowledge it is of the devil; for after this manner doth the devil work, for he persuadeth no man to do good, no, not one; neither do his angels; neither do they who subject themselves unto him. . . .
“Wherefore, I beseech of you, brethren, that ye should search diligently in the light of Christ that ye may know good from evil; and if ye will lay hold upon every good thing, and condemn it not, ye certainly will be a child of Christ.”7

So, even before people receive the right to the gifts of the Holy Ghost, when they are confirmed as members of the Church, and even before the Holy Ghost confirms truth to them before baptism, they have spiritual experiences. The Spirit of Christ has already, from their childhood, invited them to do good and warned them against evil. They have memories of those experiences even if they have not recognized their source. That memory will come back to them as missionaries or we teach them the word of God and they hear it. They will remember the feeling of joy or sorrow when they are taught the truths of the gospel. And that memory of the Spirit of Christ will soften their hearts to allow the Holy Ghost to testify to them. That will lead them to keep commandments and want to take the name of the Savior upon them. And when they do, in the waters of baptism, and as they hear the words in confirmation “Receive the Holy Ghost” spoken by an authorized servant of God, the power to always remember God will be increased.

I testify to you that the warm feelings you have had as you have listened to truth being spoken in this conference are from the Holy Ghost. The Savior, who promised that the Holy Ghost would come, is the beloved, glorified Son of our Heavenly Father.

Tonight, and tomorrow night, you might pray and ponder, asking the questions: Did God send a message that was just for me? Did I see His hand in my life or the lives of my children? I will do that. And then I will find a way to preserve that memory for the day that I, and those that I love, will need to remember how much God loves us and how much we need Him. I testify that He loves us and blesses us, more than most of us have yet recognized. I know that is true, and it brings me joy to remember Him. In the name of Jesus Christ, amen.
...

What Depression Looks Like

2007-11-01T09:00:00.000-07:00

Because I have dealt with my own depression for so long I know what it looks like. But often people ask me "How do I know if it's really depression?" It manifests itself differently in each person but there are some common symptoms which help.

SYMPTOMS OF ADULT DEPRESSION
Longterm sadness
Feelings of worthlessness or guilt
Lack of interest in sex
Loss of concentration
Loss of interest in activities
Fatigue
Weight loss or gain
Insomnia or oversleeping
Anxiety
Suicidal thoughts
Slowed speech and physical movement

Excerprt from http://ezinearticles.com/?Diagnose-Depression&id=102469 on diagnosing depression...

There are a few simple steps to the diagnosis. The first is to decide why you think you are depressed. Do you no longer enjoy your hobbies? Do you find it hard to get out of bed in the morning, or to leave the house? Other symptoms include being tired all of the time, loss of appetite, crying for no reason and an inability to focus.

If these symptoms are present, then the next step is to take the Beck Depression Inventory. This simple exam is a series of statements that you rate from a scale of 1-5. It gives you a final score that then rates you from no depression to severe clinical depression. While this test is not perfect and should not be the sole element used in diagnosis, it can lead to one.

We used this test a lot when I was working in the field. It can be found online or also in George Burns book "Feeling Good." It is important to also see a physician if you suspect you or someone you know is depressed. There are certain medical conditions which mimic depression such as thyroid problems. And there are many different possible causes and diagnoses. Seeking help is the first and most important step to recovery.

2007-10-19T09:13:00.000-07:00

I wanted to address depression and other emotional/mental illnesses. There is often a misconception in our culture that one should "just be happy" or pick themselves up immediately after each trial. Some believe that if you are a good person living the gospel and the plan of happiness you will not suffer from mental illness or emotional problems. I used to think this way myself..."If I can just get everything in balance! Do my scripture study, prayer, visiting teaching, etc. I won't suffer from these feelings of sadness."

Then one day, after interviewing me, my stake President, James M. Harper at BYU, told me that my depression was no different than diabetes. It was a medical condition that needed to be treated. I did not feel ashamed or embarrassed. All of the things I was doing to have my life in order would help... as would my faith, but they would not CURE my depression. I was doing the best I knew how and had no serious sin that was unresolved. That started the process of trying to convince myself of those same truths and I started back on a long journey of healing. It is a process which I believe may be life long for me and many others. We are promised when we put in our part the Lord puts in His...and I am learning each day. One resource that has really helped me overcome embarrassment, guilt and self-blame is the counsel the church has given us. I'll start posting excerpts and you can read for yourself at the website...

http://providentliving.org/content/display/0,11666,6270-1-3236-1,00.html

“In Any Family”

How many people in your ward are suffering from some form of mental illness? One? Two? None? Chances are good that your estimate is too low.
A major study by the National Institute of Mental Health suggests that as many as 20 percent of adult Americans suffer from a disabling mental disorder. The most serious and chronic of these disorders—schizophrenia, manic-depression, and chronic major depression—often require hospitalization and medication. In fact, serious mental disorders fill more hospital beds in the United States than cancer, heart disease, diabetes, and arthritis combined. But milder forms of clinical depression and severe anxiety can also disrupt individual and family lives and require professional treatment. (See “How Many Are Suffering?” p. 53.)
Many of us don’t realize how widespread mental illness is, partly because it shows few physical signs. “Victims of mental illness, for the most part, look normal,” explains the mother of a young woman who has been in and out of hospitals with depression. “They don’t limp or stutter. The scars are on the inside.” But many victims feel pain and confusion so great that life is almost unbearable. And family members of the victim often suffer grief and isolation as they struggle to understand the nature of their loved one’s illness and search for ways to help.
Multiple Causes

“Chronic mental illness can happen in any family,” says Tom Baxter, special assistant to the director of LDS Social Services. “Church members sometimes feel that if only they had lived the gospel better, these problems would not exist.” But this is not always the case, he says. “We now know that mental illnesses have multiple causes, including genetic and biological factors—factors we usually cannot control.”

Other factors, such as abuse, trauma, stress, unresolved conflict, or excessive guilt, can also contribute to or cause the development of some types of mental illness. Serious family problems may also contribute to the development of mental disorders. Current research suggests that many victims of mental illness have genetically inherited a biological predisposition for their illness—although not everyone who is predisposed will develop that disorder. Dr. Richard Ferre, chairman of the Department of Psychiatry at Primary Children’s Hospital in Salt Lake City, says, “Essentially every major mental illness—whether it be schizophrenia, major depression, autism, or attention deficit disorder—has biological underpinnings.”

This is not to say that we have no responsibility for our mental health. Sin—our own and that of others—does cause emotional pain. And if we are unable to forgive ourselves or someone else, or if we constantly dwell on our failures, disappointments, or past problems, we may be more likely to suffer emotional stress. We may also feel unnecessary distress if we constantly try to please others or if we try to meet unrealistic expectations of how attractive or successful we ought to be.

But there is a difference between ordinary discouragement or the sorrow created by sin and the problems resulting from mental illness. Indeed, many serious mental illnesses are just that—genuine illnesses that need to be treated as such.

“Hope and Help Are Available”
We live in a time when victims of many mental disorders can find helpful treatments. Unfortunately, many individuals and families struggle alone with illnesses that can be treated. “It isn’t a sign of weakness to get the help you need,” says Dorthea C. Murdock of LDS Social Services. “It is a sign of strength to say, ‘I have a problem and I need help.’ Hope and help are available.” Mental Illness: In Search of Understanding and Hope" Jan Underwood Pinborough Ensign, Feb. 1989, 51–57

I Know That My Redeemer Lives

2007-10-17T19:15:00.000-07:00

That's where I want to start. I know without a doubt that we are children of a Heavenly Father who loves each of us. He sent His Son Jesus Christ to suffer each intense feeling and fear we have here in our mortal life. He passed through the greatest of pain, of illness and of disappointment so He would know how to succor us. To heal us, to bind up our wounds and to comfort us all He asks is that we come unto Him and rely on Him. His promises are sure; I have tested them. I have found the only long lasting hope and relief from my earthly trials are in his safe harbors. He lives. He hears you when you pray. He knows your heart. This I know. This knowledge is the greatest of gifts I have been given.

Beginning

2007-10-17T18:50:00.000-07:00

Today I am going to start sharing what I have learned. My hope is that it will help someone in need and help others not to feel alone as I often have. I also pray that it will help others along in the healing process. I feel I was given my interests, my experiences and my own weaknesses in life that I could have a deep empathy for others and a better understanding of what the Savior did for each of us. So where do you start...